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COVID-19’s hairy conspiracy, and a Kardashian Kolonoscopy
Coronavirus conspiracy gets hairy
It was inevitable, of course. The government’s response to COVID-19 and the novel coronavirus has become an issue, and the increased scrutiny has now turned up a conspiracy.
This particular plot, recently uncovered by the Twitterverse and reported by Newsweek, is being perpetuated by the CDC against the American patriots who make up the bearded wings of the Men-ocratic and Republi-man parties.
Our story begins on Nov. 2, 2017, when the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health posted “To Beard or not to Beard? That’s a good Question!” on its science blog, which was aimed at “workers who wear tight-fitting respirators.” Like the N95 face mask. More than 2 years before the coronavirus was “discovered” in China. Hmmm, interesting.
The NIOSH post claimed that beards, sideburns, and some mustaches “will interfere with respirators that rely on a tight facepiece seal to achieve maximum protection.” The agency further alleged that “research tells us that the presence of facial hair under the sealing surface causes 20 to 1,000 times more leakage, compared to clean-shaven individuals.” As if research ever proved anything.
The post’s pièce de résistance, however, was an infograph illustrating 36 types of facial hairstyles and whether they worked with a face mask/respirator. Did you know that beard styles such as the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee get a thumbs down? Did you know there are beard styles called the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee? [What? No ZZ Top beard?]
Most mustaches are okay, though, and therein lies the proof of a conspiracy. Among the approved mustache styles is the toothbrush. You’ll find it on the bottom row of the graph, third from the left. Notice anything?
It’s a Hitler mustache! The CDC put its seal of approval on a Hitler mustache!
Thus, by the transfollicular property of the High Castle corollary to the Boys from Brazil theorem, a government conspiracy must exist.
The coronavirus will now proceed to take over the world. Have a nice day.
Keeping up with the Kolonoscopies
Imagine owing your life to the Kardashians. It’s a bit tough to swallow, but a man from Ohio owes Kim and her Krew a life debt.
Gary Paine was just passing the time, watching some daytime “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” television in the doctor’s waiting room while his wife was getting a colonoscopy. We’ve all been there – we in the Bureau of LOTME have watched more waiting-room “Judge Judy” than we care to admit.
And just like us, Gary said he was getting bored while watching the Kardashians’ TV travails. Although he felt relatively healthy, he decided to distract himself the best way he knew how: making his own colonoscopy appointment. Anything’s better than getting sucked into an 8-hour Kardashian marathon, right?
During Gary’s Kim K–inspired colonoscopy, it was discovered that he had an irregularity in his heart. Eventually, doctors found two severely blocked arteries. Paine underwent immediate, lifesaving quadruple-bypass surgery.
He now urges people to be aware that checkups are essential, whether you’re showing symptoms of poor health or not.
Which leads us to wonder: Do Kris Jenner and her clan know they’re now officially more painful than a colonoscopy appointment?
(Crosswalks) Don’t stop me now
There’s always that one guy. You’re stuck in a long line behind a big slow tractor trailer going 10 under the speed limit, and there’s a flashy BMW practically living inside your trunk. A brief passing zone approaches, but there’s no point ... oh, of course they swerve around and cut you off, what did they even gain from doing that?
Point is, people who drive expensive cars have a bit of a reputation for being less than courteous behind the wheel, and thanks to a study published in the Journal of Transport & Health, there’s some science to back that up.
A group of four presumably well-paid volunteers were sent out to crosswalks and crossed in front of cars to see how many would yield. Results were less than encouraging: Only 28% of 461 cars yielded. The only factor that significantly predicted whether or not a car would yield was how expensive it was; for every $1,000 increase in the value of the car, the driver was 3% less likely to stop.
It’s not looking good for owners of expensive cars, especially when even the study authors suggest that these drivers were displaying increased entitlement and narcissism through their lack of yielding behavior.
Our suggestion? Clearly rich people are sick and need intensive psychotherapy, and the offending vehicles should be removed and redistributed to the rest of us. We wouldn’t mind a nice slightly used Corvette, in red preferably. Nope, no ulterior motive here.
Coronavirus conspiracy gets hairy
It was inevitable, of course. The government’s response to COVID-19 and the novel coronavirus has become an issue, and the increased scrutiny has now turned up a conspiracy.
This particular plot, recently uncovered by the Twitterverse and reported by Newsweek, is being perpetuated by the CDC against the American patriots who make up the bearded wings of the Men-ocratic and Republi-man parties.
Our story begins on Nov. 2, 2017, when the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health posted “To Beard or not to Beard? That’s a good Question!” on its science blog, which was aimed at “workers who wear tight-fitting respirators.” Like the N95 face mask. More than 2 years before the coronavirus was “discovered” in China. Hmmm, interesting.
The NIOSH post claimed that beards, sideburns, and some mustaches “will interfere with respirators that rely on a tight facepiece seal to achieve maximum protection.” The agency further alleged that “research tells us that the presence of facial hair under the sealing surface causes 20 to 1,000 times more leakage, compared to clean-shaven individuals.” As if research ever proved anything.
The post’s pièce de résistance, however, was an infograph illustrating 36 types of facial hairstyles and whether they worked with a face mask/respirator. Did you know that beard styles such as the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee get a thumbs down? Did you know there are beard styles called the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee? [What? No ZZ Top beard?]
Most mustaches are okay, though, and therein lies the proof of a conspiracy. Among the approved mustache styles is the toothbrush. You’ll find it on the bottom row of the graph, third from the left. Notice anything?
It’s a Hitler mustache! The CDC put its seal of approval on a Hitler mustache!
Thus, by the transfollicular property of the High Castle corollary to the Boys from Brazil theorem, a government conspiracy must exist.
The coronavirus will now proceed to take over the world. Have a nice day.
Keeping up with the Kolonoscopies
Imagine owing your life to the Kardashians. It’s a bit tough to swallow, but a man from Ohio owes Kim and her Krew a life debt.
Gary Paine was just passing the time, watching some daytime “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” television in the doctor’s waiting room while his wife was getting a colonoscopy. We’ve all been there – we in the Bureau of LOTME have watched more waiting-room “Judge Judy” than we care to admit.
And just like us, Gary said he was getting bored while watching the Kardashians’ TV travails. Although he felt relatively healthy, he decided to distract himself the best way he knew how: making his own colonoscopy appointment. Anything’s better than getting sucked into an 8-hour Kardashian marathon, right?
During Gary’s Kim K–inspired colonoscopy, it was discovered that he had an irregularity in his heart. Eventually, doctors found two severely blocked arteries. Paine underwent immediate, lifesaving quadruple-bypass surgery.
He now urges people to be aware that checkups are essential, whether you’re showing symptoms of poor health or not.
Which leads us to wonder: Do Kris Jenner and her clan know they’re now officially more painful than a colonoscopy appointment?
(Crosswalks) Don’t stop me now
There’s always that one guy. You’re stuck in a long line behind a big slow tractor trailer going 10 under the speed limit, and there’s a flashy BMW practically living inside your trunk. A brief passing zone approaches, but there’s no point ... oh, of course they swerve around and cut you off, what did they even gain from doing that?
Point is, people who drive expensive cars have a bit of a reputation for being less than courteous behind the wheel, and thanks to a study published in the Journal of Transport & Health, there’s some science to back that up.
A group of four presumably well-paid volunteers were sent out to crosswalks and crossed in front of cars to see how many would yield. Results were less than encouraging: Only 28% of 461 cars yielded. The only factor that significantly predicted whether or not a car would yield was how expensive it was; for every $1,000 increase in the value of the car, the driver was 3% less likely to stop.
It’s not looking good for owners of expensive cars, especially when even the study authors suggest that these drivers were displaying increased entitlement and narcissism through their lack of yielding behavior.
Our suggestion? Clearly rich people are sick and need intensive psychotherapy, and the offending vehicles should be removed and redistributed to the rest of us. We wouldn’t mind a nice slightly used Corvette, in red preferably. Nope, no ulterior motive here.
Coronavirus conspiracy gets hairy
It was inevitable, of course. The government’s response to COVID-19 and the novel coronavirus has become an issue, and the increased scrutiny has now turned up a conspiracy.
This particular plot, recently uncovered by the Twitterverse and reported by Newsweek, is being perpetuated by the CDC against the American patriots who make up the bearded wings of the Men-ocratic and Republi-man parties.
Our story begins on Nov. 2, 2017, when the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health posted “To Beard or not to Beard? That’s a good Question!” on its science blog, which was aimed at “workers who wear tight-fitting respirators.” Like the N95 face mask. More than 2 years before the coronavirus was “discovered” in China. Hmmm, interesting.
The NIOSH post claimed that beards, sideburns, and some mustaches “will interfere with respirators that rely on a tight facepiece seal to achieve maximum protection.” The agency further alleged that “research tells us that the presence of facial hair under the sealing surface causes 20 to 1,000 times more leakage, compared to clean-shaven individuals.” As if research ever proved anything.
The post’s pièce de résistance, however, was an infograph illustrating 36 types of facial hairstyles and whether they worked with a face mask/respirator. Did you know that beard styles such as the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee get a thumbs down? Did you know there are beard styles called the chin curtain, French fork, Garibaldi, and Hulihee? [What? No ZZ Top beard?]
Most mustaches are okay, though, and therein lies the proof of a conspiracy. Among the approved mustache styles is the toothbrush. You’ll find it on the bottom row of the graph, third from the left. Notice anything?
It’s a Hitler mustache! The CDC put its seal of approval on a Hitler mustache!
Thus, by the transfollicular property of the High Castle corollary to the Boys from Brazil theorem, a government conspiracy must exist.
The coronavirus will now proceed to take over the world. Have a nice day.
Keeping up with the Kolonoscopies
Imagine owing your life to the Kardashians. It’s a bit tough to swallow, but a man from Ohio owes Kim and her Krew a life debt.
Gary Paine was just passing the time, watching some daytime “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” television in the doctor’s waiting room while his wife was getting a colonoscopy. We’ve all been there – we in the Bureau of LOTME have watched more waiting-room “Judge Judy” than we care to admit.
And just like us, Gary said he was getting bored while watching the Kardashians’ TV travails. Although he felt relatively healthy, he decided to distract himself the best way he knew how: making his own colonoscopy appointment. Anything’s better than getting sucked into an 8-hour Kardashian marathon, right?
During Gary’s Kim K–inspired colonoscopy, it was discovered that he had an irregularity in his heart. Eventually, doctors found two severely blocked arteries. Paine underwent immediate, lifesaving quadruple-bypass surgery.
He now urges people to be aware that checkups are essential, whether you’re showing symptoms of poor health or not.
Which leads us to wonder: Do Kris Jenner and her clan know they’re now officially more painful than a colonoscopy appointment?
(Crosswalks) Don’t stop me now
There’s always that one guy. You’re stuck in a long line behind a big slow tractor trailer going 10 under the speed limit, and there’s a flashy BMW practically living inside your trunk. A brief passing zone approaches, but there’s no point ... oh, of course they swerve around and cut you off, what did they even gain from doing that?
Point is, people who drive expensive cars have a bit of a reputation for being less than courteous behind the wheel, and thanks to a study published in the Journal of Transport & Health, there’s some science to back that up.
A group of four presumably well-paid volunteers were sent out to crosswalks and crossed in front of cars to see how many would yield. Results were less than encouraging: Only 28% of 461 cars yielded. The only factor that significantly predicted whether or not a car would yield was how expensive it was; for every $1,000 increase in the value of the car, the driver was 3% less likely to stop.
It’s not looking good for owners of expensive cars, especially when even the study authors suggest that these drivers were displaying increased entitlement and narcissism through their lack of yielding behavior.
Our suggestion? Clearly rich people are sick and need intensive psychotherapy, and the offending vehicles should be removed and redistributed to the rest of us. We wouldn’t mind a nice slightly used Corvette, in red preferably. Nope, no ulterior motive here.
A bladder brewery and a neurosurgical violin solo
One bikram, one shakti, one beer
Novelty yoga is a thing, and there’s no stopping it now.
There’s cat yoga, aerial yoga (performed in a harness or hammock suspended above the ground), karaoke yoga, laughter yoga (done while listening to the LOTME podcast, no doubt), snake yoga, toega (yoga for toes), and, of course, goat yoga. So what’s next, beer yoga?
Why, yes, it is beer yoga.
In our travels around the dark, deserted corners of the Internet, we came across an article on Educatedbox.com that said a beer yoga class “involves picking up a beer, drinking it, and putting it back down again, in many different ways.”
Pretty straightforward. Then we saw a photo on Germany’s Bieryoga.de that showed all of the participants doing the tree pose while balancing a beer bottle on their heads. Not so straightforward. Trust us, we tried.
Bieryoga explains that “the exuberance that comes with drinking beer and the body awareness of yoga can be combined into an energizing experience. In the beer and now.”
How can we say no to “in the beer and now”? Well, we can’t, but we do have one teeny tiny problem: We’ve gotten into “downward-facing dog with IPA on rump,” and now we can’t get up.
Little help … anyone?
A surgical symphony
A patient playing the violin during her own brain surgery? That sounds way more interesting than paying hundreds of dollars to attend any old normal concert.
Violinist Dagmar Turner found out in 2013 that she had a brain tumor that was gradually advancing in size. After learning the tumor needed to be removed, Ms. Turner worried she might lose her talents if the parts of her brain crucial to playing the violin were destroyed.
Luckily, her well-orchestrated surgical team composed a plan to ensure they spared the vital parts of the brain used when playing the violin: They would wake their patient during brain surgery and have her play her violin. Yes, you read that right – she played the violin during surgery to help her surgeons make certain there was no damage to the violin-related areas of her brain.
Personally, we here at the profit-minded Bureau of LOTME believe the surgical team missed a perfect opportunity to sell tickets to this event. Ms. Turner successfully made it through the surgery both 90% tumor free and fully able to play her violin. We love a happy ending! Bravo! Though maybe not “Encore!”
Belly up to the bar, boys
Quick, what would be the worst superpower? No doubt your head is flooding with ideas, each more comical than the last. But did you think of “able to pee beer?”
That’s right, it’s the return of an old LOTME favorite – auto-brewery syndrome. But this time, there’s a twist.
Our daring hero in today’s exciting case report from Annals of Internal Medicine is a 61-year-old woman from Pittsburgh who presented with liver damage and poorly controlled diabetes, and who sought placement on the liver transplant list.
But hang on, the woman’s history seemed to indicate her liver problems stemmed from alcohol addiction, because her urine tests were always positive for alcohol, and the current tests said the same. Hmm, this is sounding slightly villainous!
There were, however, some discrepancies. The woman didn’t appear to be intoxicated during clinic visits, tests for ethanol metabolites were negative while urine tests for ethanol were positive, and there were large quantities of glucose and budding yeast in the urine. Something strange was going on, so the doctors decided to dig deeper.
The yeast in question was Candida glabrata, which is closely related to brewer’s yeast. The doctors found high levels of ethanol production in the urine, suggesting that the yeast was fermenting sugar inside the bladder. The patient was quite literally urinating alcohol, becoming the first documented case in a living person of what the doctors dubbed “urinary auto-brewery syndrome.”
As much as we love a good drink here at LOTME world headquarters, we’ll have to pass on the urine cocktail. Just don’t tell all the beer yoga enthusiasts, this seems right up their alley. You know, positive natural energy flow or something like that.
One bikram, one shakti, one beer
Novelty yoga is a thing, and there’s no stopping it now.
There’s cat yoga, aerial yoga (performed in a harness or hammock suspended above the ground), karaoke yoga, laughter yoga (done while listening to the LOTME podcast, no doubt), snake yoga, toega (yoga for toes), and, of course, goat yoga. So what’s next, beer yoga?
Why, yes, it is beer yoga.
In our travels around the dark, deserted corners of the Internet, we came across an article on Educatedbox.com that said a beer yoga class “involves picking up a beer, drinking it, and putting it back down again, in many different ways.”
Pretty straightforward. Then we saw a photo on Germany’s Bieryoga.de that showed all of the participants doing the tree pose while balancing a beer bottle on their heads. Not so straightforward. Trust us, we tried.
Bieryoga explains that “the exuberance that comes with drinking beer and the body awareness of yoga can be combined into an energizing experience. In the beer and now.”
How can we say no to “in the beer and now”? Well, we can’t, but we do have one teeny tiny problem: We’ve gotten into “downward-facing dog with IPA on rump,” and now we can’t get up.
Little help … anyone?
A surgical symphony
A patient playing the violin during her own brain surgery? That sounds way more interesting than paying hundreds of dollars to attend any old normal concert.
Violinist Dagmar Turner found out in 2013 that she had a brain tumor that was gradually advancing in size. After learning the tumor needed to be removed, Ms. Turner worried she might lose her talents if the parts of her brain crucial to playing the violin were destroyed.
Luckily, her well-orchestrated surgical team composed a plan to ensure they spared the vital parts of the brain used when playing the violin: They would wake their patient during brain surgery and have her play her violin. Yes, you read that right – she played the violin during surgery to help her surgeons make certain there was no damage to the violin-related areas of her brain.
Personally, we here at the profit-minded Bureau of LOTME believe the surgical team missed a perfect opportunity to sell tickets to this event. Ms. Turner successfully made it through the surgery both 90% tumor free and fully able to play her violin. We love a happy ending! Bravo! Though maybe not “Encore!”
Belly up to the bar, boys
Quick, what would be the worst superpower? No doubt your head is flooding with ideas, each more comical than the last. But did you think of “able to pee beer?”
That’s right, it’s the return of an old LOTME favorite – auto-brewery syndrome. But this time, there’s a twist.
Our daring hero in today’s exciting case report from Annals of Internal Medicine is a 61-year-old woman from Pittsburgh who presented with liver damage and poorly controlled diabetes, and who sought placement on the liver transplant list.
But hang on, the woman’s history seemed to indicate her liver problems stemmed from alcohol addiction, because her urine tests were always positive for alcohol, and the current tests said the same. Hmm, this is sounding slightly villainous!
There were, however, some discrepancies. The woman didn’t appear to be intoxicated during clinic visits, tests for ethanol metabolites were negative while urine tests for ethanol were positive, and there were large quantities of glucose and budding yeast in the urine. Something strange was going on, so the doctors decided to dig deeper.
The yeast in question was Candida glabrata, which is closely related to brewer’s yeast. The doctors found high levels of ethanol production in the urine, suggesting that the yeast was fermenting sugar inside the bladder. The patient was quite literally urinating alcohol, becoming the first documented case in a living person of what the doctors dubbed “urinary auto-brewery syndrome.”
As much as we love a good drink here at LOTME world headquarters, we’ll have to pass on the urine cocktail. Just don’t tell all the beer yoga enthusiasts, this seems right up their alley. You know, positive natural energy flow or something like that.
One bikram, one shakti, one beer
Novelty yoga is a thing, and there’s no stopping it now.
There’s cat yoga, aerial yoga (performed in a harness or hammock suspended above the ground), karaoke yoga, laughter yoga (done while listening to the LOTME podcast, no doubt), snake yoga, toega (yoga for toes), and, of course, goat yoga. So what’s next, beer yoga?
Why, yes, it is beer yoga.
In our travels around the dark, deserted corners of the Internet, we came across an article on Educatedbox.com that said a beer yoga class “involves picking up a beer, drinking it, and putting it back down again, in many different ways.”
Pretty straightforward. Then we saw a photo on Germany’s Bieryoga.de that showed all of the participants doing the tree pose while balancing a beer bottle on their heads. Not so straightforward. Trust us, we tried.
Bieryoga explains that “the exuberance that comes with drinking beer and the body awareness of yoga can be combined into an energizing experience. In the beer and now.”
How can we say no to “in the beer and now”? Well, we can’t, but we do have one teeny tiny problem: We’ve gotten into “downward-facing dog with IPA on rump,” and now we can’t get up.
Little help … anyone?
A surgical symphony
A patient playing the violin during her own brain surgery? That sounds way more interesting than paying hundreds of dollars to attend any old normal concert.
Violinist Dagmar Turner found out in 2013 that she had a brain tumor that was gradually advancing in size. After learning the tumor needed to be removed, Ms. Turner worried she might lose her talents if the parts of her brain crucial to playing the violin were destroyed.
Luckily, her well-orchestrated surgical team composed a plan to ensure they spared the vital parts of the brain used when playing the violin: They would wake their patient during brain surgery and have her play her violin. Yes, you read that right – she played the violin during surgery to help her surgeons make certain there was no damage to the violin-related areas of her brain.
Personally, we here at the profit-minded Bureau of LOTME believe the surgical team missed a perfect opportunity to sell tickets to this event. Ms. Turner successfully made it through the surgery both 90% tumor free and fully able to play her violin. We love a happy ending! Bravo! Though maybe not “Encore!”
Belly up to the bar, boys
Quick, what would be the worst superpower? No doubt your head is flooding with ideas, each more comical than the last. But did you think of “able to pee beer?”
That’s right, it’s the return of an old LOTME favorite – auto-brewery syndrome. But this time, there’s a twist.
Our daring hero in today’s exciting case report from Annals of Internal Medicine is a 61-year-old woman from Pittsburgh who presented with liver damage and poorly controlled diabetes, and who sought placement on the liver transplant list.
But hang on, the woman’s history seemed to indicate her liver problems stemmed from alcohol addiction, because her urine tests were always positive for alcohol, and the current tests said the same. Hmm, this is sounding slightly villainous!
There were, however, some discrepancies. The woman didn’t appear to be intoxicated during clinic visits, tests for ethanol metabolites were negative while urine tests for ethanol were positive, and there were large quantities of glucose and budding yeast in the urine. Something strange was going on, so the doctors decided to dig deeper.
The yeast in question was Candida glabrata, which is closely related to brewer’s yeast. The doctors found high levels of ethanol production in the urine, suggesting that the yeast was fermenting sugar inside the bladder. The patient was quite literally urinating alcohol, becoming the first documented case in a living person of what the doctors dubbed “urinary auto-brewery syndrome.”
As much as we love a good drink here at LOTME world headquarters, we’ll have to pass on the urine cocktail. Just don’t tell all the beer yoga enthusiasts, this seems right up their alley. You know, positive natural energy flow or something like that.
Texas’ tasty heart cake and Gotham’s coronavirus robot
Make dialysis great again!
Now, you’re probably thinking that Mr. Nelson tried to bring in his dog or some other animal, and that’s surely an issue of hygiene. But no, Mr. Gibson wasn’t bringing in a dog or cat, or even a squirrel or turkey, but a president.
Specifically, Mr. Nelson’s emotional support was one President Donald J. Trump.
Okay, it wasn’t actually Mr. Trump himself, but a life-sized (bigly?) cardboard cutout of the president smiling and offering two thumbs up. This, um, unusual choice was based on the president’s signing of an executive order in July 2019 launching an initiative promoting kidney disease awareness.
Mr. Nelson had previously been bringing in smaller images of the president. But when he brought in the large cutout – made by his son – a social worker at the center told him that the president couldn’t stay, adding that “this is not a Trump rally,” according to Mr. Nelson.
Naturally, this has caused quite a rift. Mr. Nelson feels that his freedom of expression and speech has been violated, and Fresenius says they can’t allow a support item so big because of those pesky health and safety regulations. Typical doctors.
The actual President Trump has yet to respond to this odd situation, but no doubt he’ll offer Fresenius a hearty “you’re fired!”
Your friendly neighborhood pandemic robot
Robots, of course!
A shiny new robot in Times Square not only can recognize symptoms of the coronavirus, it also can provide information to promote prevention and stop the spread. And if you look like a tourist, it’ll try to sell you half-priced tickets for a Big Apple bus tour. Move over, smartphones; having a robot analyze my symptoms sounds way more fun than frantically googling them.
The “Promobot” was designed with a friendly face and welcoming smile – that’s how you know the robot isn’t a local.
Interested users can interact with the Promobot’s iPad, which has a questionnaire regarding signs and symptoms of the coronavirus. Promobot doesn’t actually physically detect the virus (it’s a robot, not a blood test), but the questionnaire asks about general symptoms of coronavirus. At the end, the robot gives advice on how to proceed if the answers indicate the virus is present (hopefully without any panic-inducing fanfare).
Ah, New York: Where even the robots are friendlier than the residents.
Beating? No. Delicious? Yes
No, it’s a cake!
Heart!
Cake!
Wait, you’re both right. It’s two treats in one! It’s a heart and a cake. It’s the cake that looks like a heart.
Seriously, it really looks like a heart. It looks like it should still be beating. We’re talking anatomically correct and glistening with just-pulled-from-the-body freshness.
This latest wonder of the baking world comes from Crabby Cakes in Portland, Tex., just across the Nueces Bay Causeway from Corpus Christi. Just get on West Broadway Avenue from the I-181 frontage road, then make a right onto Wildcat Drive and a left at Maple Drive.
Crabby Cakes owner Jessica Wolfe is a big fan of horror movies and has even visited some of the sites where scenes were shot for “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.” She told the Dallas Morning News that she “was trying to do something different for Valentine’s Day, cake-wise.”
She posted a video of the cake on the bakery’s Facebook page and it went viral, gobbling up over a million views in less than a week, the Morning News reported. Each cake costs $70 and will feed about five people, but the bakery cannot ship them out of state.
Among the cake-generated surprises was the attention she got from the health care industry. “Nurses, doctor’s offices, and graduates want the hearts,” Ms. Wolfe told the Morning News. “But they also want livers, kidneys, and lungs.”
Let’s just hope there aren’t any transplant surgeons calling.
Make dialysis great again!
Now, you’re probably thinking that Mr. Nelson tried to bring in his dog or some other animal, and that’s surely an issue of hygiene. But no, Mr. Gibson wasn’t bringing in a dog or cat, or even a squirrel or turkey, but a president.
Specifically, Mr. Nelson’s emotional support was one President Donald J. Trump.
Okay, it wasn’t actually Mr. Trump himself, but a life-sized (bigly?) cardboard cutout of the president smiling and offering two thumbs up. This, um, unusual choice was based on the president’s signing of an executive order in July 2019 launching an initiative promoting kidney disease awareness.
Mr. Nelson had previously been bringing in smaller images of the president. But when he brought in the large cutout – made by his son – a social worker at the center told him that the president couldn’t stay, adding that “this is not a Trump rally,” according to Mr. Nelson.
Naturally, this has caused quite a rift. Mr. Nelson feels that his freedom of expression and speech has been violated, and Fresenius says they can’t allow a support item so big because of those pesky health and safety regulations. Typical doctors.
The actual President Trump has yet to respond to this odd situation, but no doubt he’ll offer Fresenius a hearty “you’re fired!”
Your friendly neighborhood pandemic robot
Robots, of course!
A shiny new robot in Times Square not only can recognize symptoms of the coronavirus, it also can provide information to promote prevention and stop the spread. And if you look like a tourist, it’ll try to sell you half-priced tickets for a Big Apple bus tour. Move over, smartphones; having a robot analyze my symptoms sounds way more fun than frantically googling them.
The “Promobot” was designed with a friendly face and welcoming smile – that’s how you know the robot isn’t a local.
Interested users can interact with the Promobot’s iPad, which has a questionnaire regarding signs and symptoms of the coronavirus. Promobot doesn’t actually physically detect the virus (it’s a robot, not a blood test), but the questionnaire asks about general symptoms of coronavirus. At the end, the robot gives advice on how to proceed if the answers indicate the virus is present (hopefully without any panic-inducing fanfare).
Ah, New York: Where even the robots are friendlier than the residents.
Beating? No. Delicious? Yes
No, it’s a cake!
Heart!
Cake!
Wait, you’re both right. It’s two treats in one! It’s a heart and a cake. It’s the cake that looks like a heart.
Seriously, it really looks like a heart. It looks like it should still be beating. We’re talking anatomically correct and glistening with just-pulled-from-the-body freshness.
This latest wonder of the baking world comes from Crabby Cakes in Portland, Tex., just across the Nueces Bay Causeway from Corpus Christi. Just get on West Broadway Avenue from the I-181 frontage road, then make a right onto Wildcat Drive and a left at Maple Drive.
Crabby Cakes owner Jessica Wolfe is a big fan of horror movies and has even visited some of the sites where scenes were shot for “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.” She told the Dallas Morning News that she “was trying to do something different for Valentine’s Day, cake-wise.”
She posted a video of the cake on the bakery’s Facebook page and it went viral, gobbling up over a million views in less than a week, the Morning News reported. Each cake costs $70 and will feed about five people, but the bakery cannot ship them out of state.
Among the cake-generated surprises was the attention she got from the health care industry. “Nurses, doctor’s offices, and graduates want the hearts,” Ms. Wolfe told the Morning News. “But they also want livers, kidneys, and lungs.”
Let’s just hope there aren’t any transplant surgeons calling.
Make dialysis great again!
Now, you’re probably thinking that Mr. Nelson tried to bring in his dog or some other animal, and that’s surely an issue of hygiene. But no, Mr. Gibson wasn’t bringing in a dog or cat, or even a squirrel or turkey, but a president.
Specifically, Mr. Nelson’s emotional support was one President Donald J. Trump.
Okay, it wasn’t actually Mr. Trump himself, but a life-sized (bigly?) cardboard cutout of the president smiling and offering two thumbs up. This, um, unusual choice was based on the president’s signing of an executive order in July 2019 launching an initiative promoting kidney disease awareness.
Mr. Nelson had previously been bringing in smaller images of the president. But when he brought in the large cutout – made by his son – a social worker at the center told him that the president couldn’t stay, adding that “this is not a Trump rally,” according to Mr. Nelson.
Naturally, this has caused quite a rift. Mr. Nelson feels that his freedom of expression and speech has been violated, and Fresenius says they can’t allow a support item so big because of those pesky health and safety regulations. Typical doctors.
The actual President Trump has yet to respond to this odd situation, but no doubt he’ll offer Fresenius a hearty “you’re fired!”
Your friendly neighborhood pandemic robot
Robots, of course!
A shiny new robot in Times Square not only can recognize symptoms of the coronavirus, it also can provide information to promote prevention and stop the spread. And if you look like a tourist, it’ll try to sell you half-priced tickets for a Big Apple bus tour. Move over, smartphones; having a robot analyze my symptoms sounds way more fun than frantically googling them.
The “Promobot” was designed with a friendly face and welcoming smile – that’s how you know the robot isn’t a local.
Interested users can interact with the Promobot’s iPad, which has a questionnaire regarding signs and symptoms of the coronavirus. Promobot doesn’t actually physically detect the virus (it’s a robot, not a blood test), but the questionnaire asks about general symptoms of coronavirus. At the end, the robot gives advice on how to proceed if the answers indicate the virus is present (hopefully without any panic-inducing fanfare).
Ah, New York: Where even the robots are friendlier than the residents.
Beating? No. Delicious? Yes
No, it’s a cake!
Heart!
Cake!
Wait, you’re both right. It’s two treats in one! It’s a heart and a cake. It’s the cake that looks like a heart.
Seriously, it really looks like a heart. It looks like it should still be beating. We’re talking anatomically correct and glistening with just-pulled-from-the-body freshness.
This latest wonder of the baking world comes from Crabby Cakes in Portland, Tex., just across the Nueces Bay Causeway from Corpus Christi. Just get on West Broadway Avenue from the I-181 frontage road, then make a right onto Wildcat Drive and a left at Maple Drive.
Crabby Cakes owner Jessica Wolfe is a big fan of horror movies and has even visited some of the sites where scenes were shot for “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.” She told the Dallas Morning News that she “was trying to do something different for Valentine’s Day, cake-wise.”
She posted a video of the cake on the bakery’s Facebook page and it went viral, gobbling up over a million views in less than a week, the Morning News reported. Each cake costs $70 and will feed about five people, but the bakery cannot ship them out of state.
Among the cake-generated surprises was the attention she got from the health care industry. “Nurses, doctor’s offices, and graduates want the hearts,” Ms. Wolfe told the Morning News. “But they also want livers, kidneys, and lungs.”
Let’s just hope there aren’t any transplant surgeons calling.