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When I was a little girl, I enjoyed watching the Brady Bunch on television. For those of you under the age of 30, who may not be familiar with this hit series, Mrs. Brady, played by Florence Henderson, was a stay-at-home mother with six kids, three of her own and three of her husband’s by a prior marriage. Somehow, the house was always immaculate, the kids were always well kept, and she always managed to be level-headed, warm, and nurturing (but Alice, the housekeeper, helped a lot).
Fast forward a few decades. Now women frequently are the primary breadwinners, often working outside the home and then even more when they return after work, tethered to a computer or with smartphone in hand. This is the new work-life balance equation for many of us.
My husband and I are currently seeking to adopt a little girl in the foster care system. If we are successful in 2014, this will be our second adoption in 5 years. Anyone who has ever added to their family this way can attest to the hurdles, stumbling blocks, and utter frustration the journey can hold. In the last 8 months, I have seen thousands of photos of waiting children and found only one child in our self-defined age group (4 or younger) who does not have major developmental or physical challenges. There are over 15 other families who have also inquired about her.
I used to feel guilty that I flipped through the pictures of special-needs children quickly, but when I think about my reality as a full-time hospitalist and a mother, I know I cannot provide a special-needs child with the attention she needs. If I have a patient in the ER with unstable angina and a child at home in the midst of a seizure, I cannot exactly call into work for "family reasons." How idyllic would it be for a physician to adopt a sick child, bringing her into a home already endowed with medical expertise? On its face, and to outsiders, it would be perfect. But I have to be realistic about what I can and cannot handle, and about what choice is caring and considerate to both patients and my existing family.
While I await that life-changing call from a social worker somewhere, who has seen my family profile and thinks we would be a perfect fit for a child in her caseload, I am working toward the future. I have a glimpse of what it will be like with two small children and a demanding job, and it has the potential to be chaotic, hair-raising, and overwhelming, but it can also be calm, joyous, and well organized. I realized it is okay to say, "I can’t do this by myself." Cooking, shopping, washing, homework, tantrums, beepers, ... oh my!
I have no relatives who can help make life more manageable, but I have figured out a few things I can do. In addition to a housekeeper, I decided to enlist the help of a personal assistant – who happens to also be my hairdresser and friend – whom I can pay by the hour ($25) to do a variety of tasks around the house and run errands here and there. A few hours here and there will make a huge difference in my peace of mind. I cannot yet rule out an au pair or live-in nanny, but we are not quite ready to share our space with anyone outside our family. I am thankful, of course, that this is even an option for my household financially.
Whether you are a soon-to-be mom or dad, you too may want to think out of the box about ways to trade a hectic, disorganized life for one far more peaceful and serene, even if it comes with a price tag. What works for me may not work for you, but there is a potential solution for us all. We may just have to search hard and pay for it.
Thoughts? E-mail me at [email protected].
Dr. Hester is a hospitalist with Baltimore-Washington Medical Center who has a passion for empowering patients to partner in their health care. She is the creator of the Patient Whiz, a patient-engagement app for iOS.
When I was a little girl, I enjoyed watching the Brady Bunch on television. For those of you under the age of 30, who may not be familiar with this hit series, Mrs. Brady, played by Florence Henderson, was a stay-at-home mother with six kids, three of her own and three of her husband’s by a prior marriage. Somehow, the house was always immaculate, the kids were always well kept, and she always managed to be level-headed, warm, and nurturing (but Alice, the housekeeper, helped a lot).
Fast forward a few decades. Now women frequently are the primary breadwinners, often working outside the home and then even more when they return after work, tethered to a computer or with smartphone in hand. This is the new work-life balance equation for many of us.
My husband and I are currently seeking to adopt a little girl in the foster care system. If we are successful in 2014, this will be our second adoption in 5 years. Anyone who has ever added to their family this way can attest to the hurdles, stumbling blocks, and utter frustration the journey can hold. In the last 8 months, I have seen thousands of photos of waiting children and found only one child in our self-defined age group (4 or younger) who does not have major developmental or physical challenges. There are over 15 other families who have also inquired about her.
I used to feel guilty that I flipped through the pictures of special-needs children quickly, but when I think about my reality as a full-time hospitalist and a mother, I know I cannot provide a special-needs child with the attention she needs. If I have a patient in the ER with unstable angina and a child at home in the midst of a seizure, I cannot exactly call into work for "family reasons." How idyllic would it be for a physician to adopt a sick child, bringing her into a home already endowed with medical expertise? On its face, and to outsiders, it would be perfect. But I have to be realistic about what I can and cannot handle, and about what choice is caring and considerate to both patients and my existing family.
While I await that life-changing call from a social worker somewhere, who has seen my family profile and thinks we would be a perfect fit for a child in her caseload, I am working toward the future. I have a glimpse of what it will be like with two small children and a demanding job, and it has the potential to be chaotic, hair-raising, and overwhelming, but it can also be calm, joyous, and well organized. I realized it is okay to say, "I can’t do this by myself." Cooking, shopping, washing, homework, tantrums, beepers, ... oh my!
I have no relatives who can help make life more manageable, but I have figured out a few things I can do. In addition to a housekeeper, I decided to enlist the help of a personal assistant – who happens to also be my hairdresser and friend – whom I can pay by the hour ($25) to do a variety of tasks around the house and run errands here and there. A few hours here and there will make a huge difference in my peace of mind. I cannot yet rule out an au pair or live-in nanny, but we are not quite ready to share our space with anyone outside our family. I am thankful, of course, that this is even an option for my household financially.
Whether you are a soon-to-be mom or dad, you too may want to think out of the box about ways to trade a hectic, disorganized life for one far more peaceful and serene, even if it comes with a price tag. What works for me may not work for you, but there is a potential solution for us all. We may just have to search hard and pay for it.
Thoughts? E-mail me at [email protected].
Dr. Hester is a hospitalist with Baltimore-Washington Medical Center who has a passion for empowering patients to partner in their health care. She is the creator of the Patient Whiz, a patient-engagement app for iOS.
When I was a little girl, I enjoyed watching the Brady Bunch on television. For those of you under the age of 30, who may not be familiar with this hit series, Mrs. Brady, played by Florence Henderson, was a stay-at-home mother with six kids, three of her own and three of her husband’s by a prior marriage. Somehow, the house was always immaculate, the kids were always well kept, and she always managed to be level-headed, warm, and nurturing (but Alice, the housekeeper, helped a lot).
Fast forward a few decades. Now women frequently are the primary breadwinners, often working outside the home and then even more when they return after work, tethered to a computer or with smartphone in hand. This is the new work-life balance equation for many of us.
My husband and I are currently seeking to adopt a little girl in the foster care system. If we are successful in 2014, this will be our second adoption in 5 years. Anyone who has ever added to their family this way can attest to the hurdles, stumbling blocks, and utter frustration the journey can hold. In the last 8 months, I have seen thousands of photos of waiting children and found only one child in our self-defined age group (4 or younger) who does not have major developmental or physical challenges. There are over 15 other families who have also inquired about her.
I used to feel guilty that I flipped through the pictures of special-needs children quickly, but when I think about my reality as a full-time hospitalist and a mother, I know I cannot provide a special-needs child with the attention she needs. If I have a patient in the ER with unstable angina and a child at home in the midst of a seizure, I cannot exactly call into work for "family reasons." How idyllic would it be for a physician to adopt a sick child, bringing her into a home already endowed with medical expertise? On its face, and to outsiders, it would be perfect. But I have to be realistic about what I can and cannot handle, and about what choice is caring and considerate to both patients and my existing family.
While I await that life-changing call from a social worker somewhere, who has seen my family profile and thinks we would be a perfect fit for a child in her caseload, I am working toward the future. I have a glimpse of what it will be like with two small children and a demanding job, and it has the potential to be chaotic, hair-raising, and overwhelming, but it can also be calm, joyous, and well organized. I realized it is okay to say, "I can’t do this by myself." Cooking, shopping, washing, homework, tantrums, beepers, ... oh my!
I have no relatives who can help make life more manageable, but I have figured out a few things I can do. In addition to a housekeeper, I decided to enlist the help of a personal assistant – who happens to also be my hairdresser and friend – whom I can pay by the hour ($25) to do a variety of tasks around the house and run errands here and there. A few hours here and there will make a huge difference in my peace of mind. I cannot yet rule out an au pair or live-in nanny, but we are not quite ready to share our space with anyone outside our family. I am thankful, of course, that this is even an option for my household financially.
Whether you are a soon-to-be mom or dad, you too may want to think out of the box about ways to trade a hectic, disorganized life for one far more peaceful and serene, even if it comes with a price tag. What works for me may not work for you, but there is a potential solution for us all. We may just have to search hard and pay for it.
Thoughts? E-mail me at [email protected].
Dr. Hester is a hospitalist with Baltimore-Washington Medical Center who has a passion for empowering patients to partner in their health care. She is the creator of the Patient Whiz, a patient-engagement app for iOS.
