Are parents infecting their children with contagious negativity?

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled across a report of a Pew Research Center’s survey titled “Parenting in America today” (Pew Research Center. Jan. 24, 2023), which found that 40% of parents in the United States with children younger than 18 are “extremely or very worried” that at some point their children might struggle with anxiety or depression. Thirty-six percent replied that they were “somewhat” worried. This total of more than 75% represents a significant change from the 2015 Pew Center survey in which only 54% of parents were “somewhat” worried about their children’s mental health.

Prompted by these findings I began work on a column in which I planned to encourage pediatricians to think more like family physicians when we were working with children who were experiencing serious mental health problems. My primary message was going to be that we should turn more of our attention to the mental health of the anxious parents who must endure the often long and frustrating path toward effective psychiatric care for their children. This might come in the form of some simple suggestions about nonpharmacologic self-help strategies. Or, it could mean encouraging parents to seek psychiatric care or counseling for themselves as they wait for help for their child.

However, as I began that column, my thoughts kept drifting toward a broader consideration of the relationship between parents and pediatric mental health. If mental health of children is causing their parents to be anxious and depressed isn’t it just as likely that this is a bidirectional connection? This was not exactly an “aha” moment for me because it is a relationship I have considered for sometime. However, it is a concept that I have come to realize is receiving far too little attention.

There are exceptions. For example, a recent opinion piece in the New York Times by David French, “What if Kids Are Sad and Stressed Because Their Parents Are?” (March 19, 2023) echoes many of my concerns. Drawing on his experiences traveling around college campuses, Mr. French observes, “Just as parents are upset about their children’s anxiety and depression, children are anxious about their parent’s mental health.”

He notes that an August 2022 NBC News poll found that 58% of registered voters feel this country’s best days are behind it and joins me in imagining that this negative mind set is filtering down to the pediatric population. He acknowledges that there are other likely contributors to teen unhappiness including the ubiquity of smart phones, the secularization of society, and the media’s focus on the political divide. However, Mr. French wonders if the parenting style that results in childhood experiences that are dominated by adult supervision and protection may also be playing a large role.

In his conclusion, Mr. French asks us to consider “How much fear and anxiety should we import to our lives and homes?” as we adults search for an answer.

As I continued to drill down for other possible solutions, I encountered an avenue of psychological research that suggests that instead of, or in addition to, filtering out the anxiety-generating deluge of information, we begin to give some thought to how our beliefs may be coloring our perception of reality.

Jeremy D.W. Clifton, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center has done extensive research on the relationship between our basic beliefs about the world (known as primal beliefs or simply primals in psychologist lingo) and how we interpret reality. For example, one of your primal beliefs may be that the world is a dangerous place. I, on the other hand, may see the world as a stimulating environment offering me endless opportunities to explore. I may see the world as an abundant resource limited only by my creativity. You, however, see it as a barren wasteland.

Dr. Clifton’s research has shown that our primals (at least those of adults) are relatively immutable through one’s lifetime and “do not appear to be the consequence of our experiences.” For example, living in a ZIP code with a high crime rate does not predict that you will see the world as a dangerous place. Nor does being affluent guarantee that an adult sees the world rich with opportunities.

It is unclear exactly when and by what process we develop our primal beliefs, but it is safe to say our parents probably play a large role. Exactly to what degree the tsunami of bad news we are allowing to inundate our children’s lives plays a role is unclear. However, it is reasonable to assume that news about climate change, school shootings, and the pandemic must be a contributor.

According to Dr. Clifton, there is some evidence that certain mind exercises, when applied diligently, can occasionally modify the primal beliefs of an individual who sees the world as dangerous and barren. Until such strategies become more readily accessible, the best we can do is acknowledge that our children are like canaries in a coal mine full of negative perceptions, then do our best to clear the air.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at [email protected].

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled across a report of a Pew Research Center’s survey titled “Parenting in America today” (Pew Research Center. Jan. 24, 2023), which found that 40% of parents in the United States with children younger than 18 are “extremely or very worried” that at some point their children might struggle with anxiety or depression. Thirty-six percent replied that they were “somewhat” worried. This total of more than 75% represents a significant change from the 2015 Pew Center survey in which only 54% of parents were “somewhat” worried about their children’s mental health.

Prompted by these findings I began work on a column in which I planned to encourage pediatricians to think more like family physicians when we were working with children who were experiencing serious mental health problems. My primary message was going to be that we should turn more of our attention to the mental health of the anxious parents who must endure the often long and frustrating path toward effective psychiatric care for their children. This might come in the form of some simple suggestions about nonpharmacologic self-help strategies. Or, it could mean encouraging parents to seek psychiatric care or counseling for themselves as they wait for help for their child.

However, as I began that column, my thoughts kept drifting toward a broader consideration of the relationship between parents and pediatric mental health. If mental health of children is causing their parents to be anxious and depressed isn’t it just as likely that this is a bidirectional connection? This was not exactly an “aha” moment for me because it is a relationship I have considered for sometime. However, it is a concept that I have come to realize is receiving far too little attention.

There are exceptions. For example, a recent opinion piece in the New York Times by David French, “What if Kids Are Sad and Stressed Because Their Parents Are?” (March 19, 2023) echoes many of my concerns. Drawing on his experiences traveling around college campuses, Mr. French observes, “Just as parents are upset about their children’s anxiety and depression, children are anxious about their parent’s mental health.”

He notes that an August 2022 NBC News poll found that 58% of registered voters feel this country’s best days are behind it and joins me in imagining that this negative mind set is filtering down to the pediatric population. He acknowledges that there are other likely contributors to teen unhappiness including the ubiquity of smart phones, the secularization of society, and the media’s focus on the political divide. However, Mr. French wonders if the parenting style that results in childhood experiences that are dominated by adult supervision and protection may also be playing a large role.

In his conclusion, Mr. French asks us to consider “How much fear and anxiety should we import to our lives and homes?” as we adults search for an answer.

As I continued to drill down for other possible solutions, I encountered an avenue of psychological research that suggests that instead of, or in addition to, filtering out the anxiety-generating deluge of information, we begin to give some thought to how our beliefs may be coloring our perception of reality.

Jeremy D.W. Clifton, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center has done extensive research on the relationship between our basic beliefs about the world (known as primal beliefs or simply primals in psychologist lingo) and how we interpret reality. For example, one of your primal beliefs may be that the world is a dangerous place. I, on the other hand, may see the world as a stimulating environment offering me endless opportunities to explore. I may see the world as an abundant resource limited only by my creativity. You, however, see it as a barren wasteland.

Dr. Clifton’s research has shown that our primals (at least those of adults) are relatively immutable through one’s lifetime and “do not appear to be the consequence of our experiences.” For example, living in a ZIP code with a high crime rate does not predict that you will see the world as a dangerous place. Nor does being affluent guarantee that an adult sees the world rich with opportunities.

It is unclear exactly when and by what process we develop our primal beliefs, but it is safe to say our parents probably play a large role. Exactly to what degree the tsunami of bad news we are allowing to inundate our children’s lives plays a role is unclear. However, it is reasonable to assume that news about climate change, school shootings, and the pandemic must be a contributor.

According to Dr. Clifton, there is some evidence that certain mind exercises, when applied diligently, can occasionally modify the primal beliefs of an individual who sees the world as dangerous and barren. Until such strategies become more readily accessible, the best we can do is acknowledge that our children are like canaries in a coal mine full of negative perceptions, then do our best to clear the air.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at [email protected].

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled across a report of a Pew Research Center’s survey titled “Parenting in America today” (Pew Research Center. Jan. 24, 2023), which found that 40% of parents in the United States with children younger than 18 are “extremely or very worried” that at some point their children might struggle with anxiety or depression. Thirty-six percent replied that they were “somewhat” worried. This total of more than 75% represents a significant change from the 2015 Pew Center survey in which only 54% of parents were “somewhat” worried about their children’s mental health.

Prompted by these findings I began work on a column in which I planned to encourage pediatricians to think more like family physicians when we were working with children who were experiencing serious mental health problems. My primary message was going to be that we should turn more of our attention to the mental health of the anxious parents who must endure the often long and frustrating path toward effective psychiatric care for their children. This might come in the form of some simple suggestions about nonpharmacologic self-help strategies. Or, it could mean encouraging parents to seek psychiatric care or counseling for themselves as they wait for help for their child.

However, as I began that column, my thoughts kept drifting toward a broader consideration of the relationship between parents and pediatric mental health. If mental health of children is causing their parents to be anxious and depressed isn’t it just as likely that this is a bidirectional connection? This was not exactly an “aha” moment for me because it is a relationship I have considered for sometime. However, it is a concept that I have come to realize is receiving far too little attention.

There are exceptions. For example, a recent opinion piece in the New York Times by David French, “What if Kids Are Sad and Stressed Because Their Parents Are?” (March 19, 2023) echoes many of my concerns. Drawing on his experiences traveling around college campuses, Mr. French observes, “Just as parents are upset about their children’s anxiety and depression, children are anxious about their parent’s mental health.”

He notes that an August 2022 NBC News poll found that 58% of registered voters feel this country’s best days are behind it and joins me in imagining that this negative mind set is filtering down to the pediatric population. He acknowledges that there are other likely contributors to teen unhappiness including the ubiquity of smart phones, the secularization of society, and the media’s focus on the political divide. However, Mr. French wonders if the parenting style that results in childhood experiences that are dominated by adult supervision and protection may also be playing a large role.

In his conclusion, Mr. French asks us to consider “How much fear and anxiety should we import to our lives and homes?” as we adults search for an answer.

As I continued to drill down for other possible solutions, I encountered an avenue of psychological research that suggests that instead of, or in addition to, filtering out the anxiety-generating deluge of information, we begin to give some thought to how our beliefs may be coloring our perception of reality.

Jeremy D.W. Clifton, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center has done extensive research on the relationship between our basic beliefs about the world (known as primal beliefs or simply primals in psychologist lingo) and how we interpret reality. For example, one of your primal beliefs may be that the world is a dangerous place. I, on the other hand, may see the world as a stimulating environment offering me endless opportunities to explore. I may see the world as an abundant resource limited only by my creativity. You, however, see it as a barren wasteland.

Dr. Clifton’s research has shown that our primals (at least those of adults) are relatively immutable through one’s lifetime and “do not appear to be the consequence of our experiences.” For example, living in a ZIP code with a high crime rate does not predict that you will see the world as a dangerous place. Nor does being affluent guarantee that an adult sees the world rich with opportunities.

It is unclear exactly when and by what process we develop our primal beliefs, but it is safe to say our parents probably play a large role. Exactly to what degree the tsunami of bad news we are allowing to inundate our children’s lives plays a role is unclear. However, it is reasonable to assume that news about climate change, school shootings, and the pandemic must be a contributor.

According to Dr. Clifton, there is some evidence that certain mind exercises, when applied diligently, can occasionally modify the primal beliefs of an individual who sees the world as dangerous and barren. Until such strategies become more readily accessible, the best we can do is acknowledge that our children are like canaries in a coal mine full of negative perceptions, then do our best to clear the air.

Dr. Wilkoff practiced primary care pediatrics in Brunswick, Maine, for nearly 40 years. He has authored several books on behavioral pediatrics, including “How to Say No to Your Toddler.” Other than a Littman stethoscope he accepted as a first-year medical student in 1966, Dr. Wilkoff reports having nothing to disclose. Email him at [email protected].