Behavioral Consult

As your patients return to your offices for annual exams and sports physicals before the school year starts, everyone will still be processing the challenges, losses, and grief that have marked end of the COVID experience. There will be questions about the safety of vaccines for younger children, whether foreign travel is now a reasonable option, and about how best to help children – school age and teenagers, vulnerable and secure – get their footing socially and academically in the new school year. But dig a little, and you may hear about the silver linings of this past year: children who enjoyed having more time with their parents, parents who were with their families rather than in a car commuting for hours a day or traveling many days a month, grocery deliveries that eased the parent’s workload, adolescents who were able to pull back from overscheduled days, and opportunities for calm conversations that occurred quite naturally during nightly family dinners. Office visits present a dual opportunity to review – what were the psychological costs of COVID and what were positive personal and family adaptations to COVID they may want to continue as the pandemic ends?

Family dinner: Whether because sports practice was suspended, schooling was virtual, or working was at home, many families returned to eating dinner together during the pandemic year. Nightly dinners are a simple but powerful routine allowing all members of a family to reconnect and recharge together, and they are often the first things to disappear in the face of school, sports, and work demands. Research over the past several decades has demonstrated that regular family dinners are associated with better academic performance and higher self-esteem in children. They are also associated with lower rates of depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and pregnancy in adolescents. Finally, they are associated with better cardiovascular health and lower rates of obesity in both youth and parents. The response is dose dependent, with more regular dinners leading to better outcomes. The food can be simple, what matters most is that the tone is warm, sharing, and curious, not rigid and controlling. Families can be an essential source of support as they help put events and feelings into context, giving them meaning or a framework based on the parents’ past, values, or perspective and on the family’s cultural history. Everyone benefits as family members cope with small and large setbacks, share values, and celebrate one another’s small and large successes. The return of the family dinner table, as often as is reasonable, is one “consequence” of COVID that families should try to preserve.

Consistent virtual family visits: Many families managed the cancellation of holiday visits or supported elderly relatives by connecting with family virtually. For some families, a weekly Zoom call came to function like a weekly family dinner with cousins and grandparents. Not only do these regular video calls protect elderly relatives from loneliness and isolation, but they also made it very easy for extended families to stay connected. Children cannot have too many caring adults around them, and regular calls mean that aunts, uncles, and grandparents can be an enthusiastic audience for their achievements and can offer perspective and guidance when needed. Staying connected without having to manage hours of travel makes it easy to build and maintain these family connections, creating bonds that will be deeper and stronger. Like family dinner, regular virtual gatherings with extended family are unequivocally beneficial for younger and older children and a valuable legacy of COVID.

Lowering the pressure: Many children struggled to stay engaged with virtual school and deeply missed time with friends or in activities like woodshop, soccer, or theater. But many other children had a chance to slow down from a relentless schedule of school, homework, sports, clubs, music lessons, tutoring, and on and on. For these children, many of whom are intensely ambitious and were not willing to voluntarily give up any activities, the forced slowdown of COVID has offered a new perspective on how they might manage their time. The COVID slowdown shone a light on the value of spending enough time in an activity to really learn it, and then choosing which activities to continue to explore and master, while opening time to explore new activities. There was also more time for “senseless fun,” activities that do not lead to achievement or recognition, but are simply fun, e.g., playing video games, splashing in a pool, or surfing the web. This process is critical to healthy development in early and later adolescence, and for many driven teenagers, it has been replaced by a tightly packed schedule of activities they felt they “should” be doing. If these young people hear from you that not only does the COVID pace feel better, but it can also contribute to better health and more meaningful learning and engagement, they may adopt a more thoughtful and intentional approach to managing their most precious asset – their time. Your discussion about prioritizing healthy exercise, virtual visits with friends, hobbies, or even senseless fun might reset the pressure gauge from high to moderate.

Homework help: Many children (and teenagers) found that their parents became an important source of academic support during the year of virtual school. While few parents welcomed the chance to master calculus, it is powerful for parents to know what their children are facing at school and for children to know that their parents are available to help them when they face a challenge. When parents can bear uncertainty, frustration, and even failure alongside their children, they help their children to cultivate tenacity and resilience, whether or not they can help them with a chemistry problem. Some parents will have special skills like knowing a language, being a good writer, or an academic expertise related to their work. But what matters more is working out how to help, not pressure or argue – how to share knowledge in a pleasurable manner. While it is important for children to have access to teachers and tutors with the knowledge and skills to help them learn specific subjects, the positive presence and involvement of their parents can make a valuable contribution to their psychological and educational development.

New ritual: Over the past 16 months, families found many creative ways to pass time together, from evening walks to reading aloud, listening to music, and even mastering new card games. The family evenings of a century earlier, when family members listened together to radio programs, practiced music, or played board games, seemed to have returned. While everyone could still escape to their own space to be on a screen activity alone, solitary computer time was leavened by collective time. Families may have rediscovered joy in shared recreation, exploration, or diversion. This kind of family time is a reward in itself, but it also deepens a child’s connections to everyone in their family. Such time provides lessons in how to turn boredom into something meaningful and even fun. COVID forced families inward and gave them more time. There were many costs including illness, deaths of friends and relatives, loss of time with peers, missed activities and milestones, and an impaired education. However, many of the coerced adaptations had a silver lining or unanticipated benefit. Keeping some of those benefits post COVID could enhance the lives of every member of the family.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

As your patients return to your offices for annual exams and sports physicals before the school year starts, everyone will still be processing the challenges, losses, and grief that have marked end of the COVID experience. There will be questions about the safety of vaccines for younger children, whether foreign travel is now a reasonable option, and about how best to help children – school age and teenagers, vulnerable and secure – get their footing socially and academically in the new school year. But dig a little, and you may hear about the silver linings of this past year: children who enjoyed having more time with their parents, parents who were with their families rather than in a car commuting for hours a day or traveling many days a month, grocery deliveries that eased the parent’s workload, adolescents who were able to pull back from overscheduled days, and opportunities for calm conversations that occurred quite naturally during nightly family dinners. Office visits present a dual opportunity to review – what were the psychological costs of COVID and what were positive personal and family adaptations to COVID they may want to continue as the pandemic ends?

Family dinner: Whether because sports practice was suspended, schooling was virtual, or working was at home, many families returned to eating dinner together during the pandemic year. Nightly dinners are a simple but powerful routine allowing all members of a family to reconnect and recharge together, and they are often the first things to disappear in the face of school, sports, and work demands. Research over the past several decades has demonstrated that regular family dinners are associated with better academic performance and higher self-esteem in children. They are also associated with lower rates of depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and pregnancy in adolescents. Finally, they are associated with better cardiovascular health and lower rates of obesity in both youth and parents. The response is dose dependent, with more regular dinners leading to better outcomes. The food can be simple, what matters most is that the tone is warm, sharing, and curious, not rigid and controlling. Families can be an essential source of support as they help put events and feelings into context, giving them meaning or a framework based on the parents’ past, values, or perspective and on the family’s cultural history. Everyone benefits as family members cope with small and large setbacks, share values, and celebrate one another’s small and large successes. The return of the family dinner table, as often as is reasonable, is one “consequence” of COVID that families should try to preserve.

Consistent virtual family visits: Many families managed the cancellation of holiday visits or supported elderly relatives by connecting with family virtually. For some families, a weekly Zoom call came to function like a weekly family dinner with cousins and grandparents. Not only do these regular video calls protect elderly relatives from loneliness and isolation, but they also made it very easy for extended families to stay connected. Children cannot have too many caring adults around them, and regular calls mean that aunts, uncles, and grandparents can be an enthusiastic audience for their achievements and can offer perspective and guidance when needed. Staying connected without having to manage hours of travel makes it easy to build and maintain these family connections, creating bonds that will be deeper and stronger. Like family dinner, regular virtual gatherings with extended family are unequivocally beneficial for younger and older children and a valuable legacy of COVID.

Lowering the pressure: Many children struggled to stay engaged with virtual school and deeply missed time with friends or in activities like woodshop, soccer, or theater. But many other children had a chance to slow down from a relentless schedule of school, homework, sports, clubs, music lessons, tutoring, and on and on. For these children, many of whom are intensely ambitious and were not willing to voluntarily give up any activities, the forced slowdown of COVID has offered a new perspective on how they might manage their time. The COVID slowdown shone a light on the value of spending enough time in an activity to really learn it, and then choosing which activities to continue to explore and master, while opening time to explore new activities. There was also more time for “senseless fun,” activities that do not lead to achievement or recognition, but are simply fun, e.g., playing video games, splashing in a pool, or surfing the web. This process is critical to healthy development in early and later adolescence, and for many driven teenagers, it has been replaced by a tightly packed schedule of activities they felt they “should” be doing. If these young people hear from you that not only does the COVID pace feel better, but it can also contribute to better health and more meaningful learning and engagement, they may adopt a more thoughtful and intentional approach to managing their most precious asset – their time. Your discussion about prioritizing healthy exercise, virtual visits with friends, hobbies, or even senseless fun might reset the pressure gauge from high to moderate.

Homework help: Many children (and teenagers) found that their parents became an important source of academic support during the year of virtual school. While few parents welcomed the chance to master calculus, it is powerful for parents to know what their children are facing at school and for children to know that their parents are available to help them when they face a challenge. When parents can bear uncertainty, frustration, and even failure alongside their children, they help their children to cultivate tenacity and resilience, whether or not they can help them with a chemistry problem. Some parents will have special skills like knowing a language, being a good writer, or an academic expertise related to their work. But what matters more is working out how to help, not pressure or argue – how to share knowledge in a pleasurable manner. While it is important for children to have access to teachers and tutors with the knowledge and skills to help them learn specific subjects, the positive presence and involvement of their parents can make a valuable contribution to their psychological and educational development.

New ritual: Over the past 16 months, families found many creative ways to pass time together, from evening walks to reading aloud, listening to music, and even mastering new card games. The family evenings of a century earlier, when family members listened together to radio programs, practiced music, or played board games, seemed to have returned. While everyone could still escape to their own space to be on a screen activity alone, solitary computer time was leavened by collective time. Families may have rediscovered joy in shared recreation, exploration, or diversion. This kind of family time is a reward in itself, but it also deepens a child’s connections to everyone in their family. Such time provides lessons in how to turn boredom into something meaningful and even fun. COVID forced families inward and gave them more time. There were many costs including illness, deaths of friends and relatives, loss of time with peers, missed activities and milestones, and an impaired education. However, many of the coerced adaptations had a silver lining or unanticipated benefit. Keeping some of those benefits post COVID could enhance the lives of every member of the family.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

As your patients return to your offices for annual exams and sports physicals before the school year starts, everyone will still be processing the challenges, losses, and grief that have marked end of the COVID experience. There will be questions about the safety of vaccines for younger children, whether foreign travel is now a reasonable option, and about how best to help children – school age and teenagers, vulnerable and secure – get their footing socially and academically in the new school year. But dig a little, and you may hear about the silver linings of this past year: children who enjoyed having more time with their parents, parents who were with their families rather than in a car commuting for hours a day or traveling many days a month, grocery deliveries that eased the parent’s workload, adolescents who were able to pull back from overscheduled days, and opportunities for calm conversations that occurred quite naturally during nightly family dinners. Office visits present a dual opportunity to review – what were the psychological costs of COVID and what were positive personal and family adaptations to COVID they may want to continue as the pandemic ends?

Family dinner: Whether because sports practice was suspended, schooling was virtual, or working was at home, many families returned to eating dinner together during the pandemic year. Nightly dinners are a simple but powerful routine allowing all members of a family to reconnect and recharge together, and they are often the first things to disappear in the face of school, sports, and work demands. Research over the past several decades has demonstrated that regular family dinners are associated with better academic performance and higher self-esteem in children. They are also associated with lower rates of depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and pregnancy in adolescents. Finally, they are associated with better cardiovascular health and lower rates of obesity in both youth and parents. The response is dose dependent, with more regular dinners leading to better outcomes. The food can be simple, what matters most is that the tone is warm, sharing, and curious, not rigid and controlling. Families can be an essential source of support as they help put events and feelings into context, giving them meaning or a framework based on the parents’ past, values, or perspective and on the family’s cultural history. Everyone benefits as family members cope with small and large setbacks, share values, and celebrate one another’s small and large successes. The return of the family dinner table, as often as is reasonable, is one “consequence” of COVID that families should try to preserve.

Consistent virtual family visits: Many families managed the cancellation of holiday visits or supported elderly relatives by connecting with family virtually. For some families, a weekly Zoom call came to function like a weekly family dinner with cousins and grandparents. Not only do these regular video calls protect elderly relatives from loneliness and isolation, but they also made it very easy for extended families to stay connected. Children cannot have too many caring adults around them, and regular calls mean that aunts, uncles, and grandparents can be an enthusiastic audience for their achievements and can offer perspective and guidance when needed. Staying connected without having to manage hours of travel makes it easy to build and maintain these family connections, creating bonds that will be deeper and stronger. Like family dinner, regular virtual gatherings with extended family are unequivocally beneficial for younger and older children and a valuable legacy of COVID.

Lowering the pressure: Many children struggled to stay engaged with virtual school and deeply missed time with friends or in activities like woodshop, soccer, or theater. But many other children had a chance to slow down from a relentless schedule of school, homework, sports, clubs, music lessons, tutoring, and on and on. For these children, many of whom are intensely ambitious and were not willing to voluntarily give up any activities, the forced slowdown of COVID has offered a new perspective on how they might manage their time. The COVID slowdown shone a light on the value of spending enough time in an activity to really learn it, and then choosing which activities to continue to explore and master, while opening time to explore new activities. There was also more time for “senseless fun,” activities that do not lead to achievement or recognition, but are simply fun, e.g., playing video games, splashing in a pool, or surfing the web. This process is critical to healthy development in early and later adolescence, and for many driven teenagers, it has been replaced by a tightly packed schedule of activities they felt they “should” be doing. If these young people hear from you that not only does the COVID pace feel better, but it can also contribute to better health and more meaningful learning and engagement, they may adopt a more thoughtful and intentional approach to managing their most precious asset – their time. Your discussion about prioritizing healthy exercise, virtual visits with friends, hobbies, or even senseless fun might reset the pressure gauge from high to moderate.

Homework help: Many children (and teenagers) found that their parents became an important source of academic support during the year of virtual school. While few parents welcomed the chance to master calculus, it is powerful for parents to know what their children are facing at school and for children to know that their parents are available to help them when they face a challenge. When parents can bear uncertainty, frustration, and even failure alongside their children, they help their children to cultivate tenacity and resilience, whether or not they can help them with a chemistry problem. Some parents will have special skills like knowing a language, being a good writer, or an academic expertise related to their work. But what matters more is working out how to help, not pressure or argue – how to share knowledge in a pleasurable manner. While it is important for children to have access to teachers and tutors with the knowledge and skills to help them learn specific subjects, the positive presence and involvement of their parents can make a valuable contribution to their psychological and educational development.

New ritual: Over the past 16 months, families found many creative ways to pass time together, from evening walks to reading aloud, listening to music, and even mastering new card games. The family evenings of a century earlier, when family members listened together to radio programs, practiced music, or played board games, seemed to have returned. While everyone could still escape to their own space to be on a screen activity alone, solitary computer time was leavened by collective time. Families may have rediscovered joy in shared recreation, exploration, or diversion. This kind of family time is a reward in itself, but it also deepens a child’s connections to everyone in their family. Such time provides lessons in how to turn boredom into something meaningful and even fun. COVID forced families inward and gave them more time. There were many costs including illness, deaths of friends and relatives, loss of time with peers, missed activities and milestones, and an impaired education. However, many of the coerced adaptations had a silver lining or unanticipated benefit. Keeping some of those benefits post COVID could enhance the lives of every member of the family.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a common and treatable problem affecting over 10% of all pregnant women. Without routine use of a screening questionnaire, many women go undiagnosed and without treatment. The risks of untreated PPD in a new mother are the risks of depression tripled: to her health and to the health of her new infant and their whole family. Although pediatricians treat children, they take care of the whole family. They appreciate their role in offering support and guidance to new parents, and in the case of PPD, they are in a unique position. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognized this when they issued their policy statement, “Incorporating Recognition and Management of Perinatal Depression into Pediatric Practice,” in January 2019. By screening, tracking, and connecting affected mothers to care and services, you can truly provide “two-generational care” for your youngest patients.

PPD affects an estimated one in seven women (13%) globally. In one large retrospective study that looked at the 39 weeks before and after delivery, 15.4% of mothers received a diagnosis of PPD and a second study indicated that 22% of new mothers had depressive symptoms that were persistent for 6 months.¹ The pathways to PPD include prior personal or family history of depression, stressors in the family (connected to social determinants of health), previous miscarriage or serious complications in a previous pregnancy, and sensitivity to hormonal changes. Indeed, PPD is the most common complication of childbirth.² Although as many as half of all women eventually diagnosed with PPD had symptoms during their pregnancy, the misperception that PPD is only post partum leads to it being mistaken for the normal process of adjustment to parenthood. PPD is particularly insidious as new mothers are likely to be silent if they feel shame for not enjoying what they have been told will be a special and happy time, and those around them may mistake symptoms for the normal “baby blues” that will resolve quickly and with routine supports.

Untreated PPD, creates risks for mother, infant, and family as she manages needless suffering during a critical period for her new baby. While depression may remit over months without treatment, suicide is a real risk, and accounts for 20% of postpartum deaths.³ Infants face serious developmental consequences when their mothers are withdrawn and disconnected from them during the first months of life, including impaired social development, physical growth, and cognitive development. This impairment persists. Exposure to maternal depression during infancy is associated with lower IQ, attentional problems, and special educational needs by elementary school,⁴ and is a risk factor for psychiatric illnesses in childhood and adolescence.^5,6 PPD has a broad range of severity, including psychosis that may include paranoia with the rare risk of infanticide. And maternal depression can add to the strains in a vulnerable caregiver relationship that can raise the risk for neglect or abuse of the mother, children, or both.

It is important to note that anxiety is often the presenting problem in perinatal mood disorders, with mothers experiencing intense morbid worries about their infant’s safety and health, and fear of inadequacy, criticism, and even infant removal. These fears may reinforce silence and isolation. But pediatricians are one group that these mothers are most likely to share their anxieties with as they look for reassurance. It can be challenging to distinguish PPD from obsessive-compulsive disorder or PTSD. The critical work of the pediatrician is not specific diagnosis and treatment. Instead, your task is to provide screening and support, to create a safe place to overcome silence and shame.

There are many reliable and valid screening instruments available for depression, but the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EDPS) has been specially developed for and tested in this population. It is a 10-item scale that is easy to complete and to score. Scores range from 0 to 30 and a score of 10 is considered a cutoff for depression. It can be used to track symptoms and is free and widely available online and in multiple languages. Ideally, this scale can be administered as part of a previsit, automatically entered into an electronic medical record and given at regular intervals during the infant’s first year of primary care. Some new mothers, especially if they are suffering from depression, may feel anxious about filling this out. It is important that your staff tell them that you screen all new mothers in your practice, and that PPD is common and treatable and the pediatrician’s office is committed to the health of the whole family.

If a new mother screens positive, you might consider yourself to have three tasks: Reassure her that she is a wonderful mother and this is a treatable illness, not a cause for guilt, shame, or alarm; expand her support and decrease her isolation by helping her to communicate with her family; and identify treatment resources for her. Start by being curious about some of her specific worries or feelings, her energy level, feelings of isolation or trouble with sleep. Offer compassion and validation around the pain of these experiences in the midst of so much transition. Only after hearing a little detail about her experience, then you may offer that such feelings are common, but when they are persistent or severe, they often indicate PPD, and that her screening test suggests they do for her. Offer that this form of depression is very treatable, with both pharmacologic and psychotherapy interventions. And if she is resistant, gently offer that treatment will be very protective of her new infant’s physical, social, and cognitive growth and development. Hearing this from a pediatrician is powerful for a new mother, even if depressed. Finally, ask if you might help her bring other important adults in her family into an understanding of this. Could she tell her spouse? Her sister? Her best friend? Perhaps she could bring one of them to the next weekly visit, so you can all speak together. This intervention greatly improves the likelihood of her engaging in treatment, and strong interpersonal connections are therapeutic in and of themselves.

For treatment, the easier your office can make it, the more likely she is to follow up. Identify local resources, perhaps through connected community organizations such as Jewish Family and Children’s Services or through a public program like California’s First Five. Connect with the local obstetric practice, which may already have a referral process in place. If you can connect with her primary care provider, they may take on the referral process or may even have integrated capacity for treatment. Identify strategies that may support her restful sleep, including realistic daily exercise, sharing infant care, and being cautious with caffeine and screen time. Identify ways for her to meet other new mothers or reconnect with friends. Reassure her that easy attachment activities, such as reading a book or singing to her baby can be good for both of them without requiring much energy. This may sound like a daunting task, but the conversation will only take a few minutes. Helping an isolated new parent recognize that their feelings of fear, inadequacy, and guilt are not facts, offering some simple immediate strategies and facilitating a referral can be lifesaving.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected]

References

1. Dietz PM et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2007;164(10):1515-20.

2. Hanusa BH et al. J Women’s Health (Larchmt) 2008;17(4):585-96.

3. Lindahl V et al. Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;8(2):77-87.

4. Hay DF et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2001;42(7):871-89.

5. Tully EC et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2008:165(9):1148-54.

6. Maternal depression and child development. Paediatr. Child Health 2004;9(8):575-98.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a common and treatable problem affecting over 10% of all pregnant women. Without routine use of a screening questionnaire, many women go undiagnosed and without treatment. The risks of untreated PPD in a new mother are the risks of depression tripled: to her health and to the health of her new infant and their whole family. Although pediatricians treat children, they take care of the whole family. They appreciate their role in offering support and guidance to new parents, and in the case of PPD, they are in a unique position. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognized this when they issued their policy statement, “Incorporating Recognition and Management of Perinatal Depression into Pediatric Practice,” in January 2019. By screening, tracking, and connecting affected mothers to care and services, you can truly provide “two-generational care” for your youngest patients.

PPD affects an estimated one in seven women (13%) globally. In one large retrospective study that looked at the 39 weeks before and after delivery, 15.4% of mothers received a diagnosis of PPD and a second study indicated that 22% of new mothers had depressive symptoms that were persistent for 6 months.¹ The pathways to PPD include prior personal or family history of depression, stressors in the family (connected to social determinants of health), previous miscarriage or serious complications in a previous pregnancy, and sensitivity to hormonal changes. Indeed, PPD is the most common complication of childbirth.² Although as many as half of all women eventually diagnosed with PPD had symptoms during their pregnancy, the misperception that PPD is only post partum leads to it being mistaken for the normal process of adjustment to parenthood. PPD is particularly insidious as new mothers are likely to be silent if they feel shame for not enjoying what they have been told will be a special and happy time, and those around them may mistake symptoms for the normal “baby blues” that will resolve quickly and with routine supports.

Untreated PPD, creates risks for mother, infant, and family as she manages needless suffering during a critical period for her new baby. While depression may remit over months without treatment, suicide is a real risk, and accounts for 20% of postpartum deaths.³ Infants face serious developmental consequences when their mothers are withdrawn and disconnected from them during the first months of life, including impaired social development, physical growth, and cognitive development. This impairment persists. Exposure to maternal depression during infancy is associated with lower IQ, attentional problems, and special educational needs by elementary school,⁴ and is a risk factor for psychiatric illnesses in childhood and adolescence.^5,6 PPD has a broad range of severity, including psychosis that may include paranoia with the rare risk of infanticide. And maternal depression can add to the strains in a vulnerable caregiver relationship that can raise the risk for neglect or abuse of the mother, children, or both.

It is important to note that anxiety is often the presenting problem in perinatal mood disorders, with mothers experiencing intense morbid worries about their infant’s safety and health, and fear of inadequacy, criticism, and even infant removal. These fears may reinforce silence and isolation. But pediatricians are one group that these mothers are most likely to share their anxieties with as they look for reassurance. It can be challenging to distinguish PPD from obsessive-compulsive disorder or PTSD. The critical work of the pediatrician is not specific diagnosis and treatment. Instead, your task is to provide screening and support, to create a safe place to overcome silence and shame.

There are many reliable and valid screening instruments available for depression, but the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EDPS) has been specially developed for and tested in this population. It is a 10-item scale that is easy to complete and to score. Scores range from 0 to 30 and a score of 10 is considered a cutoff for depression. It can be used to track symptoms and is free and widely available online and in multiple languages. Ideally, this scale can be administered as part of a previsit, automatically entered into an electronic medical record and given at regular intervals during the infant’s first year of primary care. Some new mothers, especially if they are suffering from depression, may feel anxious about filling this out. It is important that your staff tell them that you screen all new mothers in your practice, and that PPD is common and treatable and the pediatrician’s office is committed to the health of the whole family.

If a new mother screens positive, you might consider yourself to have three tasks: Reassure her that she is a wonderful mother and this is a treatable illness, not a cause for guilt, shame, or alarm; expand her support and decrease her isolation by helping her to communicate with her family; and identify treatment resources for her. Start by being curious about some of her specific worries or feelings, her energy level, feelings of isolation or trouble with sleep. Offer compassion and validation around the pain of these experiences in the midst of so much transition. Only after hearing a little detail about her experience, then you may offer that such feelings are common, but when they are persistent or severe, they often indicate PPD, and that her screening test suggests they do for her. Offer that this form of depression is very treatable, with both pharmacologic and psychotherapy interventions. And if she is resistant, gently offer that treatment will be very protective of her new infant’s physical, social, and cognitive growth and development. Hearing this from a pediatrician is powerful for a new mother, even if depressed. Finally, ask if you might help her bring other important adults in her family into an understanding of this. Could she tell her spouse? Her sister? Her best friend? Perhaps she could bring one of them to the next weekly visit, so you can all speak together. This intervention greatly improves the likelihood of her engaging in treatment, and strong interpersonal connections are therapeutic in and of themselves.

For treatment, the easier your office can make it, the more likely she is to follow up. Identify local resources, perhaps through connected community organizations such as Jewish Family and Children’s Services or through a public program like California’s First Five. Connect with the local obstetric practice, which may already have a referral process in place. If you can connect with her primary care provider, they may take on the referral process or may even have integrated capacity for treatment. Identify strategies that may support her restful sleep, including realistic daily exercise, sharing infant care, and being cautious with caffeine and screen time. Identify ways for her to meet other new mothers or reconnect with friends. Reassure her that easy attachment activities, such as reading a book or singing to her baby can be good for both of them without requiring much energy. This may sound like a daunting task, but the conversation will only take a few minutes. Helping an isolated new parent recognize that their feelings of fear, inadequacy, and guilt are not facts, offering some simple immediate strategies and facilitating a referral can be lifesaving.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected]

References

1. Dietz PM et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2007;164(10):1515-20.

2. Hanusa BH et al. J Women’s Health (Larchmt) 2008;17(4):585-96.

3. Lindahl V et al. Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;8(2):77-87.

4. Hay DF et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2001;42(7):871-89.

5. Tully EC et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2008:165(9):1148-54.

6. Maternal depression and child development. Paediatr. Child Health 2004;9(8):575-98.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a common and treatable problem affecting over 10% of all pregnant women. Without routine use of a screening questionnaire, many women go undiagnosed and without treatment. The risks of untreated PPD in a new mother are the risks of depression tripled: to her health and to the health of her new infant and their whole family. Although pediatricians treat children, they take care of the whole family. They appreciate their role in offering support and guidance to new parents, and in the case of PPD, they are in a unique position. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognized this when they issued their policy statement, “Incorporating Recognition and Management of Perinatal Depression into Pediatric Practice,” in January 2019. By screening, tracking, and connecting affected mothers to care and services, you can truly provide “two-generational care” for your youngest patients.

PPD affects an estimated one in seven women (13%) globally. In one large retrospective study that looked at the 39 weeks before and after delivery, 15.4% of mothers received a diagnosis of PPD and a second study indicated that 22% of new mothers had depressive symptoms that were persistent for 6 months.¹ The pathways to PPD include prior personal or family history of depression, stressors in the family (connected to social determinants of health), previous miscarriage or serious complications in a previous pregnancy, and sensitivity to hormonal changes. Indeed, PPD is the most common complication of childbirth.² Although as many as half of all women eventually diagnosed with PPD had symptoms during their pregnancy, the misperception that PPD is only post partum leads to it being mistaken for the normal process of adjustment to parenthood. PPD is particularly insidious as new mothers are likely to be silent if they feel shame for not enjoying what they have been told will be a special and happy time, and those around them may mistake symptoms for the normal “baby blues” that will resolve quickly and with routine supports.

Untreated PPD, creates risks for mother, infant, and family as she manages needless suffering during a critical period for her new baby. While depression may remit over months without treatment, suicide is a real risk, and accounts for 20% of postpartum deaths.³ Infants face serious developmental consequences when their mothers are withdrawn and disconnected from them during the first months of life, including impaired social development, physical growth, and cognitive development. This impairment persists. Exposure to maternal depression during infancy is associated with lower IQ, attentional problems, and special educational needs by elementary school,⁴ and is a risk factor for psychiatric illnesses in childhood and adolescence.^5,6 PPD has a broad range of severity, including psychosis that may include paranoia with the rare risk of infanticide. And maternal depression can add to the strains in a vulnerable caregiver relationship that can raise the risk for neglect or abuse of the mother, children, or both.

It is important to note that anxiety is often the presenting problem in perinatal mood disorders, with mothers experiencing intense morbid worries about their infant’s safety and health, and fear of inadequacy, criticism, and even infant removal. These fears may reinforce silence and isolation. But pediatricians are one group that these mothers are most likely to share their anxieties with as they look for reassurance. It can be challenging to distinguish PPD from obsessive-compulsive disorder or PTSD. The critical work of the pediatrician is not specific diagnosis and treatment. Instead, your task is to provide screening and support, to create a safe place to overcome silence and shame.

There are many reliable and valid screening instruments available for depression, but the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EDPS) has been specially developed for and tested in this population. It is a 10-item scale that is easy to complete and to score. Scores range from 0 to 30 and a score of 10 is considered a cutoff for depression. It can be used to track symptoms and is free and widely available online and in multiple languages. Ideally, this scale can be administered as part of a previsit, automatically entered into an electronic medical record and given at regular intervals during the infant’s first year of primary care. Some new mothers, especially if they are suffering from depression, may feel anxious about filling this out. It is important that your staff tell them that you screen all new mothers in your practice, and that PPD is common and treatable and the pediatrician’s office is committed to the health of the whole family.

If a new mother screens positive, you might consider yourself to have three tasks: Reassure her that she is a wonderful mother and this is a treatable illness, not a cause for guilt, shame, or alarm; expand her support and decrease her isolation by helping her to communicate with her family; and identify treatment resources for her. Start by being curious about some of her specific worries or feelings, her energy level, feelings of isolation or trouble with sleep. Offer compassion and validation around the pain of these experiences in the midst of so much transition. Only after hearing a little detail about her experience, then you may offer that such feelings are common, but when they are persistent or severe, they often indicate PPD, and that her screening test suggests they do for her. Offer that this form of depression is very treatable, with both pharmacologic and psychotherapy interventions. And if she is resistant, gently offer that treatment will be very protective of her new infant’s physical, social, and cognitive growth and development. Hearing this from a pediatrician is powerful for a new mother, even if depressed. Finally, ask if you might help her bring other important adults in her family into an understanding of this. Could she tell her spouse? Her sister? Her best friend? Perhaps she could bring one of them to the next weekly visit, so you can all speak together. This intervention greatly improves the likelihood of her engaging in treatment, and strong interpersonal connections are therapeutic in and of themselves.

For treatment, the easier your office can make it, the more likely she is to follow up. Identify local resources, perhaps through connected community organizations such as Jewish Family and Children’s Services or through a public program like California’s First Five. Connect with the local obstetric practice, which may already have a referral process in place. If you can connect with her primary care provider, they may take on the referral process or may even have integrated capacity for treatment. Identify strategies that may support her restful sleep, including realistic daily exercise, sharing infant care, and being cautious with caffeine and screen time. Identify ways for her to meet other new mothers or reconnect with friends. Reassure her that easy attachment activities, such as reading a book or singing to her baby can be good for both of them without requiring much energy. This may sound like a daunting task, but the conversation will only take a few minutes. Helping an isolated new parent recognize that their feelings of fear, inadequacy, and guilt are not facts, offering some simple immediate strategies and facilitating a referral can be lifesaving.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected]

References

1. Dietz PM et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2007;164(10):1515-20.

2. Hanusa BH et al. J Women’s Health (Larchmt) 2008;17(4):585-96.

3. Lindahl V et al. Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;8(2):77-87.

4. Hay DF et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2001;42(7):871-89.

5. Tully EC et al. Am J Psychiatry. 2008:165(9):1148-54.

6. Maternal depression and child development. Paediatr. Child Health 2004;9(8):575-98.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.

Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings

Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.

Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.

Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
 

Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities

While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.

Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.

These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
 

Consider routines to support their transition

Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.

If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
 

Find opportunity for mastery and meaning

As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.

Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings

Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.

Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.

Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
 

Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities

While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.

Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.

These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
 

Consider routines to support their transition

Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.

If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
 

Find opportunity for mastery and meaning

As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

This spring may bring an unusual transition for families: a return to in-person school after nearly a year in a virtual classroom. This will undoubtedly come as a welcome relief to many parents worried about their children’s education and development and struggling with running school from home. But it is important for parents to remember that transitions, even happy ones, are difficult. You can help parents to anticipate what may be challenging about this transition for their children so that they are all prepared and can diminish struggles and support their children’s mastery.

Be curious about their children’s thoughts and feelings

Parents should adopt a truly curious and open-minded approach with their children. Remind parents that, while they are experts on their own children, they should not assume they know what their children are thinking or feeling about the return to school. Some children, especially ones struggling with learning problems or difficulty with peers, will have grown very comfortable being at home with parents or siblings. Some children, especially pre- and early teens, may have changed substantially in the year and might feel uncertain about returning to a prior team or group of friends. Some children may feel concerned about leaving a pet at home alone. Some children may be going to a new school and be anxious about facing such a big transition without the usual planning and supports. Those on a college track may be worried they are “behind” academically or in college preparation.

Parents can show up when and where their children are most likely to talk, perhaps bath time or bedtime for younger children or in the car together with their adolescents. They can ask: “Have you been thinking about what it might be like to go back to school? Have your friends been chatting about it?” They might be curious together about what might have changed in a year. What might be really great about being back in a classroom? What might they miss about home school? And what might be new? Are you worried about the work, any of your friends, or not being home? If children can begin to anticipate both the good and the difficult, they will be better equipped to face and manage the challenges and appreciate the delights.

Children in elementary school are built to master new situations but are also prone to anxiety about new expectations and demands. Parents can be calmly curious about what their thoughts, feelings, and questions are and look for answers together. Often all they need is to see parents being calm in the face of uncertainty, bearing the strong feelings that may come, and preserving curiosity and compassion. Adolescents may be grieving the things they have missed, or they may have concerns about relationships and practical matters such as the implications for applying to college. Parents can offer compassion and validation and help them to devise their own strategies to face the practical challenges they are concerned about.
 

Be mindful of their children’s vulnerabilities

While most children will find the transition back to school easier than they may anticipate, there will be some for whom the transition will be very challenging. Children who have been bullied at school may have found themselves able to concentrate and learn free of the fear and stress of a classmate’s taunts or stares. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD have probably struggled with online school, but they have also likely established strategies and supports during the year that have enabled them to get enough individualized help to get their work done. These children are vulnerable to falling behind and getting discouraged when these supports are lost, and possibly not replaced with new ones in the chaos of transition. Parents should reassure their children that they will work with the school to make sure that they can succeed in the classroom as they did at home.

Children with an inhibited or shy temperament might have found that it was easier to focus and listen in the comfortable setting of home than in a busy, stimulating classroom. Children who suffer from anxiety disorders that may make separating from parents or managing the performance and social demands of school extra difficult will find the return to school especially challenging. Some younger children may have experienced the emergence of an anxiety disorder during the past year, and the return to school may mark the challenge that brings heretofore quiet symptoms into full relief.

These children have all enjoyed being able to avoid the discomfort of certain anxiety-provoking situations, and they may be particularly stressed by anticipating a return to school. Younger children may begin to have stomach aches and other physical complaints as the return to school gets close, older children may seem more withdrawn or irritable or begin discussing ways to continue school from home. Parents should help their children try to identify and describe their worries. For anxious children, having a chance to practice may be very helpful. Visiting their school, especially if it is a new school, or having a planned hangout with a friend (with appropriate precautions) is the kind of exposure that can lessen anticipatory anxiety. If this is not enough, parents should not hesitate to bring in other caring, supportive adults, such as school counselors or therapists that may be essential to helping their children face and manage what may be intense anxiety.
 

Consider routines to support their transition

Just as parents begin to return their children to an earlier bedtime toward the end of summer, it will be helpful to consider how changing certain routines will support their children now. If children will need to get up earlier to be ready for a bus or a team practice, they should start moving bedtime and wake-up time earlier gradually. Uniforms or backpacks that have not been seen for a year should be dug out. Children who are planning a return to a sport may benefit from gradually increasing their exercise or starting training now. This will have the added benefit of improving sleep and energy and fortifying children for the challenges of change. Parents might consider reaching out to other parents in the same class as their children and having a virtual conversation to share their thoughts.

If their family has developed some new “COVID routines” that they have come to enjoy, they should find a way to preserve them. Perhaps they are having dinner together more often or have established a family game night or Netflix night. Help parents consider how to avoid falling back into overscheduling their children and themselves. If they created a time to Zoom with distant or vulnerable loved ones, they might decide to continue this. School may determine some of their routines, but they should also prioritize their family connections and well-being in deciding how to schedule their days.
 

Find opportunity for mastery and meaning

As parents are listening, validating, and planning with their children, they might use this time to reflect on valuable lessons. They might point out the value of patience: Adjusting to change takes time and happens in fits and starts. It has been 12 months since many of the pandemic changes started and it will take more than a few days to adjust as schools reopen. They might point out how proud they are of what their children have been able to learn, build, or do during this year, what they admire about them. It may be a time to consider what their family may have lost and gained during the past year, what they are eager to leave behind, and what they might like to keep. And it is also a chance for parents to observe that change is an inevitable part of life (especially when growing up). It is always challenging, and often brings loss and sadness. But if we pay attention, there are also the green shoots of what is new and possible.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

The first weeks of 2021 have us considering how best to face compound challenges and we expect parents will be looking to their pediatricians for guidance. There are daily stories of the COVID-19 death toll, an abstraction made real by tragic stories of shattered families. Most families are approaching the first anniversary of their children being in virtual school, with growing concerns about the quality of virtual education, loss of socialization and group activities, and additional risks facing poor and vulnerable children. There are real concerns about the future impact of children spending so much time every day on their screens for school, extracurricular activities, social time, and relaxation. While the COVID-19 vaccines promise a return to “normal” sometime in 2021, in-person school may not return until late in the spring or next fall.

After the events of Jan. 6, families face an additional challenge: Discussing the violent invasion of the U.S. Capitol by the president’s supporters. This event was shocking, frightening, and confusing for most, and continues to be heavily covered in the news and online. There is a light in all this darkness. We have the opportunity to talk with our children – and to share explanations, perspectives, values, and even the discomfort of the unknowns – about COVID-19, use of the Internet, and the violence of Jan 6. We will consider how parents can approach this challenge for three age groups. With each group, parents will need to be calm and curious and will need time to give their children their full attention. We are all living through history. When parents can be fully present with their children, even for short periods at meals or at bedtime, it will help all to get their balance back and start to make sense of the extraordinary events we have been facing.

The youngest children (aged 3-6 years), those who were in preschool or kindergarten before the pandemic, need the most from their parents during this time. If they are attending school virtually, their online school days are likely short and challenging. Children at this age are mastering behavior rather than cognitive tasks. They are learning how to manage their bodies in space (stay in their seats!), how to be patient and kind (take turns!), and how to manage frustration (math is hard, try again!). Without the physical presence of their teacher and classmates, these lessons are tougher to internalize. Given their age-appropriate short attention spans, they often walk away from a screen, even if it’s class time. They are more likely to be paying attention to their parents, responding to the emotional climate at home. Even if they are not watching news websites themselves, they are likely to have overheard or noticed the news about recent events. Parents of young children should take care to turn off the television or their own computer, as repeated frightening videos of the insurrection can cause their children to worry that these events continue to unfold. These children need their parents’ undivided attention, even just for a little while. Play a board game with them (good chance to stay in their seats, take turns, and manage losing). Or get them outside for some physical play. While playing, parents can ask what they have seen, heard, or understand about what happened in the Capitol. Then they can correct misperceptions that might be frightening and offer reasonable reassurances in language these young children can understand. They might tell their children that sometimes people get angry when they have lost, and even adults can behave badly and make mistakes. They can focus on who the helpers are, and what they could do to help also. They could write letters of appreciation to their elected officials or to the Capitol police who were so brave in protecting others. If their children are curious, parents can find books or videos that are age appropriate about the Constitution and how elections work in a democracy. Parents don’t need to be able to answer every question, watching “Schoolhouse Rock” videos on YouTube together is a wonderful way to complement their online school and support their healthy development.

School-aged children (7-12 years) are developmentally focused on mastery experiences, whether they are social, academic, or athletic. They may be better equipped to pay attention and do homework than their younger siblings, but they will miss building friendships and having a real audience for their efforts as they build emotional maturity. They are prone to worry and distress about the big events that they can understand, at least in concrete terms, but have never faced before. These children usually have been able to use social media and online games to stay connected to friends, but they are less likely than their older siblings to independently exercise or explore new interests without a parent or teacher to guide and support them. These children are likely to be spending a lot of their time online on websites their parents don’t know about, and most likely to be curious about the events of Jan. 6. Parents should close their own device and invite their school-age children to show them what they are working on in school. Be curious about all of it, even how they are doing gym or music class. Then ask about what they have seen or heard about the election and its aftermath at school, from friends, or on their own. Let them be the teachers about what happened and how they learned about it. Parents can correct misinformation or offer reliable sources of information they can investigate together. What they will need is validation of the difficult feelings that events like these can cause; that is, acknowledgment, acceptance, and understanding of big feelings, without trying to just make those feelings go away. Parents might help them to be curious about what can make people get angry, break laws, and even hurt others, and how we protest injustices in a democracy. These children may be ready to take a deeper dive into history, via a good film or documentary, with their parents’ company for discussion afterward. Be their audience and model curiosity and patience, all the while validating the feelings that might arise.

Teenagers are developmentally focused on building their own identities, cultivating independence, and deeper relationships beyond their family. While they may be well equipped to manage online learning and to stay connected to their friends and teachers through electronic means, they are also facing considerable challenge, as their ability to explore new interests, build new relationships, and be meaningfully independent has been profoundly restrained over the past year. And they are facing other losses, as milestones like proms, performances, and competitions have been altered or missed. Parents still know when their teenager is most likely to talk, and they should check in with them during those times. They can ask them about what classes are working online and which ones aren’t, and what extracurriculars are still possible. They should not be discouraged if their teenager only offers cursory responses, it matters that they are showing up and showing interest. The election and its aftermath provide a meaningful matter to discuss; parents can find out if it is being discussed by any teachers or friends. What do they think triggered the events of Jan. 6? Who should be held responsible? How to reasonably protest injustice? What does a society do when citizens can’t agree on facts? More than offering reassurance, parents should be curious about their adolescent’s developing identity and their values, how they are thinking about complex issues around free speech and justice. It is a wonderful opportunity for parents to learn about their adolescent’s emerging identity, to be tolerant of their autonomy, and an opportunity to offer their perspective and values.

At every age, parents need to be present by listening and drawing their children out without distraction. Now is a time to build relationships and to use the difficult events of the day to shed light on deeper issues and values. This is hard, but far better than having children deal with these issues in darkness or alone.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

The first weeks of 2021 have us considering how best to face compound challenges and we expect parents will be looking to their pediatricians for guidance. There are daily stories of the COVID-19 death toll, an abstraction made real by tragic stories of shattered families. Most families are approaching the first anniversary of their children being in virtual school, with growing concerns about the quality of virtual education, loss of socialization and group activities, and additional risks facing poor and vulnerable children. There are real concerns about the future impact of children spending so much time every day on their screens for school, extracurricular activities, social time, and relaxation. While the COVID-19 vaccines promise a return to “normal” sometime in 2021, in-person school may not return until late in the spring or next fall.

After the events of Jan. 6, families face an additional challenge: Discussing the violent invasion of the U.S. Capitol by the president’s supporters. This event was shocking, frightening, and confusing for most, and continues to be heavily covered in the news and online. There is a light in all this darkness. We have the opportunity to talk with our children – and to share explanations, perspectives, values, and even the discomfort of the unknowns – about COVID-19, use of the Internet, and the violence of Jan 6. We will consider how parents can approach this challenge for three age groups. With each group, parents will need to be calm and curious and will need time to give their children their full attention. We are all living through history. When parents can be fully present with their children, even for short periods at meals or at bedtime, it will help all to get their balance back and start to make sense of the extraordinary events we have been facing.

The youngest children (aged 3-6 years), those who were in preschool or kindergarten before the pandemic, need the most from their parents during this time. If they are attending school virtually, their online school days are likely short and challenging. Children at this age are mastering behavior rather than cognitive tasks. They are learning how to manage their bodies in space (stay in their seats!), how to be patient and kind (take turns!), and how to manage frustration (math is hard, try again!). Without the physical presence of their teacher and classmates, these lessons are tougher to internalize. Given their age-appropriate short attention spans, they often walk away from a screen, even if it’s class time. They are more likely to be paying attention to their parents, responding to the emotional climate at home. Even if they are not watching news websites themselves, they are likely to have overheard or noticed the news about recent events. Parents of young children should take care to turn off the television or their own computer, as repeated frightening videos of the insurrection can cause their children to worry that these events continue to unfold. These children need their parents’ undivided attention, even just for a little while. Play a board game with them (good chance to stay in their seats, take turns, and manage losing). Or get them outside for some physical play. While playing, parents can ask what they have seen, heard, or understand about what happened in the Capitol. Then they can correct misperceptions that might be frightening and offer reasonable reassurances in language these young children can understand. They might tell their children that sometimes people get angry when they have lost, and even adults can behave badly and make mistakes. They can focus on who the helpers are, and what they could do to help also. They could write letters of appreciation to their elected officials or to the Capitol police who were so brave in protecting others. If their children are curious, parents can find books or videos that are age appropriate about the Constitution and how elections work in a democracy. Parents don’t need to be able to answer every question, watching “Schoolhouse Rock” videos on YouTube together is a wonderful way to complement their online school and support their healthy development.

School-aged children (7-12 years) are developmentally focused on mastery experiences, whether they are social, academic, or athletic. They may be better equipped to pay attention and do homework than their younger siblings, but they will miss building friendships and having a real audience for their efforts as they build emotional maturity. They are prone to worry and distress about the big events that they can understand, at least in concrete terms, but have never faced before. These children usually have been able to use social media and online games to stay connected to friends, but they are less likely than their older siblings to independently exercise or explore new interests without a parent or teacher to guide and support them. These children are likely to be spending a lot of their time online on websites their parents don’t know about, and most likely to be curious about the events of Jan. 6. Parents should close their own device and invite their school-age children to show them what they are working on in school. Be curious about all of it, even how they are doing gym or music class. Then ask about what they have seen or heard about the election and its aftermath at school, from friends, or on their own. Let them be the teachers about what happened and how they learned about it. Parents can correct misinformation or offer reliable sources of information they can investigate together. What they will need is validation of the difficult feelings that events like these can cause; that is, acknowledgment, acceptance, and understanding of big feelings, without trying to just make those feelings go away. Parents might help them to be curious about what can make people get angry, break laws, and even hurt others, and how we protest injustices in a democracy. These children may be ready to take a deeper dive into history, via a good film or documentary, with their parents’ company for discussion afterward. Be their audience and model curiosity and patience, all the while validating the feelings that might arise.

Teenagers are developmentally focused on building their own identities, cultivating independence, and deeper relationships beyond their family. While they may be well equipped to manage online learning and to stay connected to their friends and teachers through electronic means, they are also facing considerable challenge, as their ability to explore new interests, build new relationships, and be meaningfully independent has been profoundly restrained over the past year. And they are facing other losses, as milestones like proms, performances, and competitions have been altered or missed. Parents still know when their teenager is most likely to talk, and they should check in with them during those times. They can ask them about what classes are working online and which ones aren’t, and what extracurriculars are still possible. They should not be discouraged if their teenager only offers cursory responses, it matters that they are showing up and showing interest. The election and its aftermath provide a meaningful matter to discuss; parents can find out if it is being discussed by any teachers or friends. What do they think triggered the events of Jan. 6? Who should be held responsible? How to reasonably protest injustice? What does a society do when citizens can’t agree on facts? More than offering reassurance, parents should be curious about their adolescent’s developing identity and their values, how they are thinking about complex issues around free speech and justice. It is a wonderful opportunity for parents to learn about their adolescent’s emerging identity, to be tolerant of their autonomy, and an opportunity to offer their perspective and values.

At every age, parents need to be present by listening and drawing their children out without distraction. Now is a time to build relationships and to use the difficult events of the day to shed light on deeper issues and values. This is hard, but far better than having children deal with these issues in darkness or alone.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

The first weeks of 2021 have us considering how best to face compound challenges and we expect parents will be looking to their pediatricians for guidance. There are daily stories of the COVID-19 death toll, an abstraction made real by tragic stories of shattered families. Most families are approaching the first anniversary of their children being in virtual school, with growing concerns about the quality of virtual education, loss of socialization and group activities, and additional risks facing poor and vulnerable children. There are real concerns about the future impact of children spending so much time every day on their screens for school, extracurricular activities, social time, and relaxation. While the COVID-19 vaccines promise a return to “normal” sometime in 2021, in-person school may not return until late in the spring or next fall.

After the events of Jan. 6, families face an additional challenge: Discussing the violent invasion of the U.S. Capitol by the president’s supporters. This event was shocking, frightening, and confusing for most, and continues to be heavily covered in the news and online. There is a light in all this darkness. We have the opportunity to talk with our children – and to share explanations, perspectives, values, and even the discomfort of the unknowns – about COVID-19, use of the Internet, and the violence of Jan 6. We will consider how parents can approach this challenge for three age groups. With each group, parents will need to be calm and curious and will need time to give their children their full attention. We are all living through history. When parents can be fully present with their children, even for short periods at meals or at bedtime, it will help all to get their balance back and start to make sense of the extraordinary events we have been facing.

The youngest children (aged 3-6 years), those who were in preschool or kindergarten before the pandemic, need the most from their parents during this time. If they are attending school virtually, their online school days are likely short and challenging. Children at this age are mastering behavior rather than cognitive tasks. They are learning how to manage their bodies in space (stay in their seats!), how to be patient and kind (take turns!), and how to manage frustration (math is hard, try again!). Without the physical presence of their teacher and classmates, these lessons are tougher to internalize. Given their age-appropriate short attention spans, they often walk away from a screen, even if it’s class time. They are more likely to be paying attention to their parents, responding to the emotional climate at home. Even if they are not watching news websites themselves, they are likely to have overheard or noticed the news about recent events. Parents of young children should take care to turn off the television or their own computer, as repeated frightening videos of the insurrection can cause their children to worry that these events continue to unfold. These children need their parents’ undivided attention, even just for a little while. Play a board game with them (good chance to stay in their seats, take turns, and manage losing). Or get them outside for some physical play. While playing, parents can ask what they have seen, heard, or understand about what happened in the Capitol. Then they can correct misperceptions that might be frightening and offer reasonable reassurances in language these young children can understand. They might tell their children that sometimes people get angry when they have lost, and even adults can behave badly and make mistakes. They can focus on who the helpers are, and what they could do to help also. They could write letters of appreciation to their elected officials or to the Capitol police who were so brave in protecting others. If their children are curious, parents can find books or videos that are age appropriate about the Constitution and how elections work in a democracy. Parents don’t need to be able to answer every question, watching “Schoolhouse Rock” videos on YouTube together is a wonderful way to complement their online school and support their healthy development.

School-aged children (7-12 years) are developmentally focused on mastery experiences, whether they are social, academic, or athletic. They may be better equipped to pay attention and do homework than their younger siblings, but they will miss building friendships and having a real audience for their efforts as they build emotional maturity. They are prone to worry and distress about the big events that they can understand, at least in concrete terms, but have never faced before. These children usually have been able to use social media and online games to stay connected to friends, but they are less likely than their older siblings to independently exercise or explore new interests without a parent or teacher to guide and support them. These children are likely to be spending a lot of their time online on websites their parents don’t know about, and most likely to be curious about the events of Jan. 6. Parents should close their own device and invite their school-age children to show them what they are working on in school. Be curious about all of it, even how they are doing gym or music class. Then ask about what they have seen or heard about the election and its aftermath at school, from friends, or on their own. Let them be the teachers about what happened and how they learned about it. Parents can correct misinformation or offer reliable sources of information they can investigate together. What they will need is validation of the difficult feelings that events like these can cause; that is, acknowledgment, acceptance, and understanding of big feelings, without trying to just make those feelings go away. Parents might help them to be curious about what can make people get angry, break laws, and even hurt others, and how we protest injustices in a democracy. These children may be ready to take a deeper dive into history, via a good film or documentary, with their parents’ company for discussion afterward. Be their audience and model curiosity and patience, all the while validating the feelings that might arise.

Teenagers are developmentally focused on building their own identities, cultivating independence, and deeper relationships beyond their family. While they may be well equipped to manage online learning and to stay connected to their friends and teachers through electronic means, they are also facing considerable challenge, as their ability to explore new interests, build new relationships, and be meaningfully independent has been profoundly restrained over the past year. And they are facing other losses, as milestones like proms, performances, and competitions have been altered or missed. Parents still know when their teenager is most likely to talk, and they should check in with them during those times. They can ask them about what classes are working online and which ones aren’t, and what extracurriculars are still possible. They should not be discouraged if their teenager only offers cursory responses, it matters that they are showing up and showing interest. The election and its aftermath provide a meaningful matter to discuss; parents can find out if it is being discussed by any teachers or friends. What do they think triggered the events of Jan. 6? Who should be held responsible? How to reasonably protest injustice? What does a society do when citizens can’t agree on facts? More than offering reassurance, parents should be curious about their adolescent’s developing identity and their values, how they are thinking about complex issues around free speech and justice. It is a wonderful opportunity for parents to learn about their adolescent’s emerging identity, to be tolerant of their autonomy, and an opportunity to offer their perspective and values.

At every age, parents need to be present by listening and drawing their children out without distraction. Now is a time to build relationships and to use the difficult events of the day to shed light on deeper issues and values. This is hard, but far better than having children deal with these issues in darkness or alone.

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, Boston. Email them at [email protected].

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at [email protected].

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at [email protected].

The school year has begun, but for most families it is a school year without precedent. Parents have to monitor and support their children through school days that are partially or completely virtual, juggling sudden class transitions, troubleshooting technology, and trying to manage lessons and assignments. Most related activities such as sports and orchestra are cancelled. Parents themselves are anxious about completing their work, if they have jobs at all. On top of this, all of us have faced months of challenge and disruption with virtually no relief, with regard to seeing friends, traveling, or going out to dinner or a movie. For your patients with ADHD, the challenges of this school year will be even more difficult. Offering parents some guidance about how to approach and manage these challenges can support their adaptation and lessen the chances of compounded problems by the time in-person school resumes.

FatCamera/E+

Children with ADHD, particularly those in elementary school, are managing symptoms of difficulty shifting their attention, sustaining focus on less-engaging material, and motor hyperactivity. They often have difficulty with organization and planning, working memory, and impulse control. Even with effective medication management, they typically are dependent on external cues and support to manage the demands of school. They benefit from attentive teachers who can redirect their attention, offer serial prompts before transitions, and provide patient support, reassurance, and confidence when they grow frustrated. And it often is easier for teachers to do this than for parents, as they have years of experience and training, and the support of their professionals in the school setting. And of course they are less likely to personalize these challenges than are parents, who are likely to feel worried, guilty, or discouraged by the child’s persistent difficulties with attention. Parents who are stressed or who may be managing difficulties with attention themselves – as ADHD is one of the more heritable psychiatric disorders – will be vulnerable to feeling frustration and losing their temper.

Suggest to the parents of your patients with ADHD that there will be frustrations and challenges as they manage the learning curve of virtual school with their children. Increasing the dose of an effective stimulant may be tempting, but there are a few strategies that may better help the children adapt to a virtual classroom without too much distress.
 

Promote good sleep patterns

Adequate, restful sleep is critical to our physical and psychological health and to healthy development. Children with ADHD are prone to sleep difficulties, and stimulants may exacerbate these.

deyangeorgiev/thinkstockphotos.com

So, it is critical that parents prioritize setting and maintaining healthy routines around sleep. All screens should power down at least 1 hour before lights out, and parents can help their children know when to accept “good enough” homework, so they also may get good enough sleep.

Daily physical activity helps enormously with restful sleep. A warm bath or shower and quiet reading (not homework!) can help wired kids unwind and be truly ready for lights out. Bedtime may start to slide later as life’s routines are disrupted with work and school happening at home, but it is important to maintain a consistent bedtime that will allow for 8-10 hours of sleep.
 

Create routines around the “school day”

Good schools involve a predictable rhythm and a lot of caring adults engaging with children. They have very consistent routines at the start of each day, and families can create their own to offer structure and cues to their children.

Start the day with a consistent wake up time and routine plus a healthy breakfast. Take advantage of the extra time that no commute to school or bus ride allow, whether by supporting more sleep, cooking a hot breakfast together, or by letting the children engage in a beloved activity, such as listening to music, reading a comic book, or working on a craft before the computer goes on.

The routine should be centered on the rhythm of the school, and realistic for parents. It matters most that it is consistent, incorporates nutritious food and exercise, and is pleasant and even fun.
 

Set the stage

Teachers will often put their students with ADHD in the front of the class, so they can offer prompts and so the students are less distracted by peers. Consider where in the home is a good spot for the children, one that minimizes distractions and where a parent is near enough to support and monitor them.

Parents might want to avoid rooms with a lot of toys or games that may tempt children, and children will need to be apart from (noisy) siblings. If they forget to mute themselves or are tempted to open another window on their computer, it is helpful for a parent to be near enough to be unobtrusively following along. Parents will hear the sounds of trouble and be able to help if their children get lost in an assignment or are otherwise off-track.
 

Create reasonable expectations and positive rewards

Reassure parents that this adjustment is going to be hard for all children and families. Now is not the season for perfectionism or focusing too intensely on mastering a challenging subject.

Reasonable goals for the first month might be for the child to get some enjoyment from school and to get better at specific tasks (being on time, managing the technology, asking for help when needed).

Parents may even set this goal with their children: “What do you want to be better at by the end of the first month?” If children with ADHD improve at managing the distractions of a virtual class, they will have accomplished a great deal cognitively. It will be hard work for them.

So parents should think about what reward can come at the end of each school day, whether a walk outside together, a game of Uno, or even an afterschool treat together, so children get a sense of success for even incremental adaptation.
 

Build in breaks from the screen

Spending much more than an hour in a virtual interaction is taxing even for adult attention spans. Parents should feel empowered to speak with their children’s teachers to find ways to build in regular 10- to 15-minute breaks during which their children can have a snack, take a bathroom break, or get their wiggles out.

Ensure there is some physical activity

Recess is usually the most important class of the day in elementary school, and especially for children with ADHD. If parents can make physical activity part of their children’s routines, breaks, and afterschool rewards, their attention, energy, and sleep will be improved.

FatCamera/E+

They might do a workout with the child for 20 minutes before school starts, go for a short walk, or do jumping jacks during breaks. And getting outside to kick a ball, go for a swim, or otherwise get the heart rate up in the sunshine will be the most important thing parents do for their children after protecting their sleep.
 

Know your child

Remember parents are the experts on their children. School is the setting in which children are both cultivating their strengths and facing challenges. Ask the parents what has been most challenging for their children about school and what was most cherished about it.

Parents should get creative to cultivate their children’s strengths. If a child adores art, it will be so important to try to provide that experience during this school year. There might be other virtual resources (virtual museum tours, YouTube art lessons), a local teacher who can offer socially distant lessons, or even another student who might be able to safely share a teacher – getting a creative and social outlet together.

Are there special teachers that the children are missing? Maybe there is a way to send them emails or have some virtual time with them each week.

If a child struggles with the classroom but excells on the soccer pitch, it will be critical to find a physically distant way for the child to develop that strength, whether with a small, informal practice or a new physical undertaking.

Likewise, parents may need to look elsewhere to help their children manage important challenges. Whether a child is learning how to face anxiety or improve social skills, virtual school might seem like a relief as it takes the pressure off. Help parents consider alternate ways that their children could continue to work on these developmental projects while school is virtual, so they don’t lose ground developmentally.

If parents can set reasonable goals, be patient, and focus on the daily routines, and consider the child’s individual developmental strengths and challenges, they may be better able to manage this challenging year. They may even find improved connection, patience, and perspective for both themselves and their children.
 

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Neither Dr. Swick nor Dr. Jellinek had any relevant financial disclosures. Email them at [email protected].

The school year has begun, but for most families it is a school year without precedent. Parents have to monitor and support their children through school days that are partially or completely virtual, juggling sudden class transitions, troubleshooting technology, and trying to manage lessons and assignments. Most related activities such as sports and orchestra are cancelled. Parents themselves are anxious about completing their work, if they have jobs at all. On top of this, all of us have faced months of challenge and disruption with virtually no relief, with regard to seeing friends, traveling, or going out to dinner or a movie. For your patients with ADHD, the challenges of this school year will be even more difficult. Offering parents some guidance about how to approach and manage these challenges can support their adaptation and lessen the chances of compounded problems by the time in-person school resumes.

FatCamera/E+

Children with ADHD, particularly those in elementary school, are managing symptoms of difficulty shifting their attention, sustaining focus on less-engaging material, and motor hyperactivity. They often have difficulty with organization and planning, working memory, and impulse control. Even with effective medication management, they typically are dependent on external cues and support to manage the demands of school. They benefit from attentive teachers who can redirect their attention, offer serial prompts before transitions, and provide patient support, reassurance, and confidence when they grow frustrated. And it often is easier for teachers to do this than for parents, as they have years of experience and training, and the support of their professionals in the school setting. And of course they are less likely to personalize these challenges than are parents, who are likely to feel worried, guilty, or discouraged by the child’s persistent difficulties with attention. Parents who are stressed or who may be managing difficulties with attention themselves – as ADHD is one of the more heritable psychiatric disorders – will be vulnerable to feeling frustration and losing their temper.

Suggest to the parents of your patients with ADHD that there will be frustrations and challenges as they manage the learning curve of virtual school with their children. Increasing the dose of an effective stimulant may be tempting, but there are a few strategies that may better help the children adapt to a virtual classroom without too much distress.
 

Promote good sleep patterns

Adequate, restful sleep is critical to our physical and psychological health and to healthy development. Children with ADHD are prone to sleep difficulties, and stimulants may exacerbate these.

deyangeorgiev/thinkstockphotos.com

So, it is critical that parents prioritize setting and maintaining healthy routines around sleep. All screens should power down at least 1 hour before lights out, and parents can help their children know when to accept “good enough” homework, so they also may get good enough sleep.

Daily physical activity helps enormously with restful sleep. A warm bath or shower and quiet reading (not homework!) can help wired kids unwind and be truly ready for lights out. Bedtime may start to slide later as life’s routines are disrupted with work and school happening at home, but it is important to maintain a consistent bedtime that will allow for 8-10 hours of sleep.
 

Create routines around the “school day”

Good schools involve a predictable rhythm and a lot of caring adults engaging with children. They have very consistent routines at the start of each day, and families can create their own to offer structure and cues to their children.

Start the day with a consistent wake up time and routine plus a healthy breakfast. Take advantage of the extra time that no commute to school or bus ride allow, whether by supporting more sleep, cooking a hot breakfast together, or by letting the children engage in a beloved activity, such as listening to music, reading a comic book, or working on a craft before the computer goes on.

The routine should be centered on the rhythm of the school, and realistic for parents. It matters most that it is consistent, incorporates nutritious food and exercise, and is pleasant and even fun.
 

Set the stage

Teachers will often put their students with ADHD in the front of the class, so they can offer prompts and so the students are less distracted by peers. Consider where in the home is a good spot for the children, one that minimizes distractions and where a parent is near enough to support and monitor them.

Parents might want to avoid rooms with a lot of toys or games that may tempt children, and children will need to be apart from (noisy) siblings. If they forget to mute themselves or are tempted to open another window on their computer, it is helpful for a parent to be near enough to be unobtrusively following along. Parents will hear the sounds of trouble and be able to help if their children get lost in an assignment or are otherwise off-track.
 

Create reasonable expectations and positive rewards

Reassure parents that this adjustment is going to be hard for all children and families. Now is not the season for perfectionism or focusing too intensely on mastering a challenging subject.

Reasonable goals for the first month might be for the child to get some enjoyment from school and to get better at specific tasks (being on time, managing the technology, asking for help when needed).

Parents may even set this goal with their children: “What do you want to be better at by the end of the first month?” If children with ADHD improve at managing the distractions of a virtual class, they will have accomplished a great deal cognitively. It will be hard work for them.

So parents should think about what reward can come at the end of each school day, whether a walk outside together, a game of Uno, or even an afterschool treat together, so children get a sense of success for even incremental adaptation.
 

Build in breaks from the screen

Spending much more than an hour in a virtual interaction is taxing even for adult attention spans. Parents should feel empowered to speak with their children’s teachers to find ways to build in regular 10- to 15-minute breaks during which their children can have a snack, take a bathroom break, or get their wiggles out.

Ensure there is some physical activity

Recess is usually the most important class of the day in elementary school, and especially for children with ADHD. If parents can make physical activity part of their children’s routines, breaks, and afterschool rewards, their attention, energy, and sleep will be improved.

FatCamera/E+

They might do a workout with the child for 20 minutes before school starts, go for a short walk, or do jumping jacks during breaks. And getting outside to kick a ball, go for a swim, or otherwise get the heart rate up in the sunshine will be the most important thing parents do for their children after protecting their sleep.
 

Know your child

Remember parents are the experts on their children. School is the setting in which children are both cultivating their strengths and facing challenges. Ask the parents what has been most challenging for their children about school and what was most cherished about it.

Parents should get creative to cultivate their children’s strengths. If a child adores art, it will be so important to try to provide that experience during this school year. There might be other virtual resources (virtual museum tours, YouTube art lessons), a local teacher who can offer socially distant lessons, or even another student who might be able to safely share a teacher – getting a creative and social outlet together.

Are there special teachers that the children are missing? Maybe there is a way to send them emails or have some virtual time with them each week.

If a child struggles with the classroom but excells on the soccer pitch, it will be critical to find a physically distant way for the child to develop that strength, whether with a small, informal practice or a new physical undertaking.

Likewise, parents may need to look elsewhere to help their children manage important challenges. Whether a child is learning how to face anxiety or improve social skills, virtual school might seem like a relief as it takes the pressure off. Help parents consider alternate ways that their children could continue to work on these developmental projects while school is virtual, so they don’t lose ground developmentally.

If parents can set reasonable goals, be patient, and focus on the daily routines, and consider the child’s individual developmental strengths and challenges, they may be better able to manage this challenging year. They may even find improved connection, patience, and perspective for both themselves and their children.
 

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Neither Dr. Swick nor Dr. Jellinek had any relevant financial disclosures. Email them at [email protected].

The school year has begun, but for most families it is a school year without precedent. Parents have to monitor and support their children through school days that are partially or completely virtual, juggling sudden class transitions, troubleshooting technology, and trying to manage lessons and assignments. Most related activities such as sports and orchestra are cancelled. Parents themselves are anxious about completing their work, if they have jobs at all. On top of this, all of us have faced months of challenge and disruption with virtually no relief, with regard to seeing friends, traveling, or going out to dinner or a movie. For your patients with ADHD, the challenges of this school year will be even more difficult. Offering parents some guidance about how to approach and manage these challenges can support their adaptation and lessen the chances of compounded problems by the time in-person school resumes.

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Children with ADHD, particularly those in elementary school, are managing symptoms of difficulty shifting their attention, sustaining focus on less-engaging material, and motor hyperactivity. They often have difficulty with organization and planning, working memory, and impulse control. Even with effective medication management, they typically are dependent on external cues and support to manage the demands of school. They benefit from attentive teachers who can redirect their attention, offer serial prompts before transitions, and provide patient support, reassurance, and confidence when they grow frustrated. And it often is easier for teachers to do this than for parents, as they have years of experience and training, and the support of their professionals in the school setting. And of course they are less likely to personalize these challenges than are parents, who are likely to feel worried, guilty, or discouraged by the child’s persistent difficulties with attention. Parents who are stressed or who may be managing difficulties with attention themselves – as ADHD is one of the more heritable psychiatric disorders – will be vulnerable to feeling frustration and losing their temper.

Suggest to the parents of your patients with ADHD that there will be frustrations and challenges as they manage the learning curve of virtual school with their children. Increasing the dose of an effective stimulant may be tempting, but there are a few strategies that may better help the children adapt to a virtual classroom without too much distress.
 

Promote good sleep patterns

Adequate, restful sleep is critical to our physical and psychological health and to healthy development. Children with ADHD are prone to sleep difficulties, and stimulants may exacerbate these.

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So, it is critical that parents prioritize setting and maintaining healthy routines around sleep. All screens should power down at least 1 hour before lights out, and parents can help their children know when to accept “good enough” homework, so they also may get good enough sleep.

Daily physical activity helps enormously with restful sleep. A warm bath or shower and quiet reading (not homework!) can help wired kids unwind and be truly ready for lights out. Bedtime may start to slide later as life’s routines are disrupted with work and school happening at home, but it is important to maintain a consistent bedtime that will allow for 8-10 hours of sleep.
 

Create routines around the “school day”

Good schools involve a predictable rhythm and a lot of caring adults engaging with children. They have very consistent routines at the start of each day, and families can create their own to offer structure and cues to their children.

Start the day with a consistent wake up time and routine plus a healthy breakfast. Take advantage of the extra time that no commute to school or bus ride allow, whether by supporting more sleep, cooking a hot breakfast together, or by letting the children engage in a beloved activity, such as listening to music, reading a comic book, or working on a craft before the computer goes on.

The routine should be centered on the rhythm of the school, and realistic for parents. It matters most that it is consistent, incorporates nutritious food and exercise, and is pleasant and even fun.
 

Set the stage

Teachers will often put their students with ADHD in the front of the class, so they can offer prompts and so the students are less distracted by peers. Consider where in the home is a good spot for the children, one that minimizes distractions and where a parent is near enough to support and monitor them.

Parents might want to avoid rooms with a lot of toys or games that may tempt children, and children will need to be apart from (noisy) siblings. If they forget to mute themselves or are tempted to open another window on their computer, it is helpful for a parent to be near enough to be unobtrusively following along. Parents will hear the sounds of trouble and be able to help if their children get lost in an assignment or are otherwise off-track.
 

Create reasonable expectations and positive rewards

Reassure parents that this adjustment is going to be hard for all children and families. Now is not the season for perfectionism or focusing too intensely on mastering a challenging subject.

Reasonable goals for the first month might be for the child to get some enjoyment from school and to get better at specific tasks (being on time, managing the technology, asking for help when needed).

Parents may even set this goal with their children: “What do you want to be better at by the end of the first month?” If children with ADHD improve at managing the distractions of a virtual class, they will have accomplished a great deal cognitively. It will be hard work for them.

So parents should think about what reward can come at the end of each school day, whether a walk outside together, a game of Uno, or even an afterschool treat together, so children get a sense of success for even incremental adaptation.
 

Build in breaks from the screen

Spending much more than an hour in a virtual interaction is taxing even for adult attention spans. Parents should feel empowered to speak with their children’s teachers to find ways to build in regular 10- to 15-minute breaks during which their children can have a snack, take a bathroom break, or get their wiggles out.

Ensure there is some physical activity

Recess is usually the most important class of the day in elementary school, and especially for children with ADHD. If parents can make physical activity part of their children’s routines, breaks, and afterschool rewards, their attention, energy, and sleep will be improved.

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They might do a workout with the child for 20 minutes before school starts, go for a short walk, or do jumping jacks during breaks. And getting outside to kick a ball, go for a swim, or otherwise get the heart rate up in the sunshine will be the most important thing parents do for their children after protecting their sleep.
 

Know your child

Remember parents are the experts on their children. School is the setting in which children are both cultivating their strengths and facing challenges. Ask the parents what has been most challenging for their children about school and what was most cherished about it.

Parents should get creative to cultivate their children’s strengths. If a child adores art, it will be so important to try to provide that experience during this school year. There might be other virtual resources (virtual museum tours, YouTube art lessons), a local teacher who can offer socially distant lessons, or even another student who might be able to safely share a teacher – getting a creative and social outlet together.

Are there special teachers that the children are missing? Maybe there is a way to send them emails or have some virtual time with them each week.

If a child struggles with the classroom but excells on the soccer pitch, it will be critical to find a physically distant way for the child to develop that strength, whether with a small, informal practice or a new physical undertaking.

Likewise, parents may need to look elsewhere to help their children manage important challenges. Whether a child is learning how to face anxiety or improve social skills, virtual school might seem like a relief as it takes the pressure off. Help parents consider alternate ways that their children could continue to work on these developmental projects while school is virtual, so they don’t lose ground developmentally.

If parents can set reasonable goals, be patient, and focus on the daily routines, and consider the child’s individual developmental strengths and challenges, they may be better able to manage this challenging year. They may even find improved connection, patience, and perspective for both themselves and their children.
 

Dr. Swick is physician in chief at Ohana, Center for Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health, Community Hospital of the Monterey (Calif.) Peninsula. Dr. Jellinek is professor emeritus of psychiatry and pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, Boston. Neither Dr. Swick nor Dr. Jellinek had any relevant financial disclosures. Email them at [email protected].